


Concealed Identity

by cat16187479



Category: Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Friends to Lovers, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, M/M, Multi, Not to slow though, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Sort Of, no beta we die like men, or who knows it may come sooner, sort of canon compliant for Four's side book
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27274150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat16187479/pseuds/cat16187479
Summary: When Tobias first joins dauntless, his instructor Amar takes a particular liking to him.
Relationships: Amar/Four | Tobias Eaton, Four | Tobias Eaton & Zeke Pedrad, Four | Tobias Eaton/Original Male Character(s), Zeke Pedrad/Shauna
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever divergent fanfic! I just feel like were really lacking in the Four/Amar fanfic department and thus, this story was born. So rather than working on my assignments I did this instead enjoy! Oh btw the first part of the chapter isn't specifically in anyone's point of view, but the second half goes into Tobias perspective

Freedom. That was the word repeating like a circuit through Tobias’s mind as he wrapped his hand and made his way to the cheering Dauntless members. 

He couldn't help but wince slightly as the cloth quickly became stained with red and grew wet as the wound wouldnt stop bleeding. He had most definitely cut deeper than necessary. The Dauntless members welcomed him with rough pats on the back and ruffles to his hair as they congratulated him on his choice. He couldn't help the grin and glimmer of relief that shone through his eyes as he found a free seat where the new members were placed at the ceremony. 

I can't believe I just did that. It’s over now. 

His leg started bouncing in excitement as he crossed his arms and gripped his shirt through his tightly wound fists, eyes boring into his lap as he tried to control his emotions. Risking a quick glance up towards the Abnegation section, he was greeted with a heated angry glare from his father. To anyone else it may have looked like the upset disappointment of a father in his son for choosing another faction, but not to Tobias. He knew that look, way more than he should have. He could see the burning anger in those pools of blue, itching to lash out and wreck hell. The way his fingers twitched as he slowly crossed his arms and slowly angled his head fully towards Tobias. Tobias failed to suppress his shiver of fear as he quickly returned his gaze towards his lap. 

Despite not returning the stare, he could feel his father boring holes into his back, like if he glared hard enough Tobias would combust into thin air. Taking in a shuddering breath and trying to steady his breathing Tobias glanced around to get a good look of the other new Dauntless candidates. 

To his right sat a girl with fiery red thick loaks that flowed down her back in tousled curls. Her hard chestnut eyes facing forward as she sat back with a small smirk on her face. She oozed out confidence to the point where she appeared cocky, like everyone around her were just stepping stones to her story. Tobias couldn help but feel jealous as he tried to reposition himself and get his shuddering under control. The girl sensing his gaze turned her head and offered him a grin, that looked more like a lion examining his prey with all the teeth he could see in her smile. 

“Hi, the names Shauna, you're from abnegation aren't you?” She said with an easy tone holding out her hand while raking her eyes over him, examining him . “I don't think we've ever had one of those, what's your name?” Tobias' eyes flickered down briefly to her hand before looking back at her face. Is everyone in Dauntless this friendly? I’d get slapped just for starting a conversation without being spoken to first . Tobias thought to himself as he recalled a time when his dad had caught him talking to their neighbors daughter when they were kids. He barely managed to conceal his grimace at the memory. 

She returned his stare before slightly raising a thinly shaped brow as she gestured at her hand. “Well are you gonna shake my hand or not Stiff? I don't bite you know” Shauna joked trying to lighten the atmosphere that was quickly becoming awkward with her hand extended in the air. 

Tobias rolled his eyes at the nickname “Stiff” that abnegation members always got before uncrossing his arms. He raised his hand but couldn't help but notice the slight trembling in his fingers and began to feel frustrated when it wouldn't stop. Shauna seemed to notice as well as her smile fell as she watched Tobias’s eyes narrow at his shaking hand before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. 

Baby blues snapped open not even a second later as Tobias clenched his fingers into a fist and settled on giving Shauna a fist bump to her open palm. “You can just call me stiff for all I care” He finished gruffly before crossing his arms back again and refacing the front. Shauna blinked at him as an amused toothy smile found its way on her face. “Alright, Stiff it is then, you're sure theres no proper name you'd prefer Stiff? She finished drawing out the word stiff in a mocking tone. “Pretty sure” Tobias replied, not even sparing her a glance as he focused forward.

“Wow touchy much” a deeper voice spoke up from Tobias’s left, his tone dripping in amusement. Tobias shifted his eyes towards the voice and briefly took note of his appearance. He had dark caramel skin that almost seemed to glow despite the artificial lighting in the room and a thick pink lower lip that led up to a straight nose and a sharply chiseled face. Tobias raised his gaze and met almond shaped mocha eyes with slight crinkcles in the corner. A thick crown of bushy eyebrows were settled on top and a small bush of spiraled thick locks was styled on his head with the sides shaved in jagged lines.

He was quite handsome to say the least. With his boyish looks still partly there as his body was transitioning over into adult hood. Tobias knew he wasn't the only one to think so if the tell tale glances that kept being thrown in his and the handsome stranger’s direction by a couple girls nearby were anything to go by.

“I’m Zeke by the way, well Ezekial actually, but everyone calls me Zeke” he finished with a cheeky grin, brown eyes meeting Tobias’s.

And Tobias knew that if he were a girl, that he would be fighting off a blush from that smile alone.

“Stiff” Tobias responded evenly as he gestured to himself with his hand before turning back to the front. “I know, I heard when you introduced yourself to Shauna.” “Mmm” Tobias responded with lamely, not really in the mood to be entertaining a conversation.

“So, what made you choose dauntless?” Zeke continued on, not at all perturbed by Tobias’s lack of enthusiasm. “What made the little abnegation boy turn to a life of danger and rebiliance?” he finished, and Tobias honestly coulndt tell if the question was asked out of mockery or genuine interest. “Same reason as everyone else” he finished with a shrug of his shoulders.

Zeke opened his mouth to retort but Shauna beat him to it, “That's enough, you're not gonna get anything else out of him Zeke. It seems our Stiff here has taken a vow of silence” The redhead quifed. “If I had taken a vow of silence, I wouldn't be speaking right now” “Your vow of silence includes not giving out any information about yourself” Shauna mused as she crossed her legs. “Well maybe i’m just shy and don't like opening up to others” Tobias lied through his teeth. Knowing full well the only reason he didn't introduce himself was because people would put two and two together. 

Zeke tilted his slightly before making eye contact with Shauna before turning his gaze to Tobias who returned the stare right back. “Funny, you don't strike me “as the to shy to keep a conversation and say your own name type’ Zeke finished, and from the look on his face , he wasn't buying what Tobias said for a second. “And you never striked me as the nosy type who’d rather pry into other people's lives rather than focus on their own” Tobias retorted with.

In all honesty Zeke and Shauna seemed like pretty cool people who he may have wanted to be friends with in the future, but right now he just wanted to be left alone. With his father still leveling him with a glare which felt as though it were piercing through his back, and all the unwanted attention he kept receiving as others close by kept glancing and staring with looks of annoyance as he and the two went back and forth just made Tobias feel irritated and frustrated.

It didn't help that he heard Shauna snicker at his response to Zeke as Zeke raised an eyebrow and looked back at her. As if Tobias proved him right just by his clipped response. 

“As I was saying” Zeke started up again with a small smirk as he noticed Tobias furrow his brows in annoyance, “Yo-”

“And that's enough from you Ezekial” a calm but slightly annoyed voice interrupted.

Tobias startled and sat up straight as he felt a hand softly grab his shoulder. He felt his breathing quicken as a feeling of dread pooled in his gut. 

You're fine! He can't hurt you anymore. Pull yourself together!

Tobias thought to himself as he quickly evened his breathing and schooled his expression before turning his head to face whoever it was speaking, but not before a pair of mocha eyes and a thick brow raised slightly in confusion at his reaction.

Tobias could barely stop his eyes from widening as he took in the other man's appearance. The first word that came to mind when he saw him was heart throb. The man possessed a darker skin tone similar to Zeke’s although his was more of a chocolate. He had an athletic build that highlighted his wide shoulders and thick biceps that flowed down to a slim waist that was apparent due to his skin tight black shirt he wore underneath a black leather jacket. Tobias peered back up from under his lashes and noticed the man already staring at him.

He couldn't help but take notice of the dimple on the man's cheek that poked out despite the man's face remaining neutral and not showing a hint of a grin. Silver piercings littered both his ears and matched with the thin chain hanging around his neck.

Now, Tobias had never experienced an attraction to guys, but he could admit if he noticed someone who was particularly good looking, and that word alone still didn't seem to do enough to describe this guy. 

His thought process was interrupted by a low gruff from Zeke as he also turned his attention to the man. “What did I do now Amar? What? I can't have a conversation? I didn't know speaking was a cause for concern.” The man Amar didn't even bother to conceal his annoyance as he rolled his eyes before leveling Zeke with a hard stare. “You know better, I shouldn't have to come here and remind you guys to stop talking while the ceremony is in progress. Control yourselves.” Amar huffed, his hand never leaving Tobias' shoulder. Tobias looked down at his lap, zoning out as Amar and Zeke went back and forth, Shauna popping up every so often.

“-hats enough! Just sit down and shut up!” Amar ordered with an air of finality around him and a frown making its way onto his face. Zeke and Shauna seemed to catch unto the change in mood as they quickly wiped the grins from their face, hiding all traces of previous amusement. Baby blues glanced back up again slowly and he felt the hand on his shoulder tighten slightly before slowly removing itself as he made eye contact with Amar. “Alright I expect you guys to shut up for the rest of the ceremony, don't make me come back here” The man Amar finished with a firm look to all three befre returning to his seat with the rest of the Dauntless members. 

As soon as his footsteps could no longer be heard, Zeke released a heavy sigh and turned slightly to look at Tobias. “I thought he’d never leave, he’s such a hardass sometimes” He whispered as he furrowed his eyebrows. 

Tobias couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his lips at the others' stressed out appearance. Like the world was coming down on their heads and not just a quick scolding from another member. And the more Tobias thought about it the more laughter seemed to bubble out his throat. Two sets of eyes stared at him in shock before Shauna spoke up saying, “so you can smile.”

“Yes I can, it’s not that surprising.” Tobias says with an eye roll,but Shauna and Zeke can still make out the small smile on his lips fighting to remain straight faced.

That’s when they hear a gruff “ahem” from behind them and they don’t need to turn around to know it’s Amar warning them for the last time.

Three sets of eyes turned forward as they waited for the completion of the ceremony. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  


Three excruciating hours later, the last initiate stepped off the pedestal towards their faction. The abnegation welcomed him with small nods and that was as far as it went. But that was expected, they weren't going to do any grand cheers or even a pat on the back, that was considered vain. And being vain was not selfless. I could remember all the times my father burned those words into my skin, albeit with his belt or occasionally his fists whenever he caught me staring to long at my reflection. 

For the longest time, I genuinely couldn't figure out whether he did it out of discipline or his own sick amusement.

As the kid made his way to his seat, Jack Kang, the leader of Candor who was hosting the ceremony this year made his way to the front. A small smile painted on his lips as he glanced around the room before starting his endingment. “I thank all who have come to participate in the choosing ceremony this year. That includes the initiates as well as the faction members who have come out to show their support. I won't keep you long as I know your faction instructors are eager to get onto the first stage of your initiation, so I wish you all the best on your journey. That is all” He finished as he made his way back to his faction.

Before he even reached, the Dauntless members all hastily made their way out of their seats before one loud voice aggressively shouted “Stage 1 begins now! Either keep up or stay behind!” As soon as the man finished, I could hear the laughter and hollering of the other dauntless members as they all got up and rushed out of the hall. My body propelling me forward so as to not get stampeded by those around me.

The air felt thick and hot with all the shouts and bodies surrounding me, and I couldn't help the small grin that appeared on my face in all the commotion. Suddenly the group of bodies in front of me jerked to the right up a flight of stairs, to the roof I assumed. But I couldn't figure out why when the exit was on the first floor. About a minute later I reached the top and ran through the open door, only stopping when I stopped feeling the pressure of bodies on my back.

I placed my hands on my hips as I panted and tried to catch my breath. I could feel sweat gathering on my brow and quickly raised a hand to wipe it off. Looking around I noticed the others in a similar state with their bodies crouched over or sitting also trying to regain their breath.

“Alright initiates” Amar shouted from the front. He didn't look out of breath and most definitely didn't even feel winded if he was still able to shout in such a loud, clear voice. “That was something of a warm up to your first test which starts in about,” He glanced down at his watch before continuing “5 minutes”

“You're joking right? I can barely stand right now” Zeke panted from beside me. If Amar heard Zeke’s complaint, he never showed it as he continued on. “You guys will participate in a series of initiation phases to discover yourself and help us evaluate you.” “What if I don't want to discover myself?” Zeke called out again and I could hear a couple of the other initiates snickering before Amar turned towards Zeke with a glare who in turn clamped up as his lips turned up in a nervous smile and subtly bowed his head in apology. Amar sighed before continuing on and eyeing all of the initiates before his gaze settled on me. 

“These evaluations will take place over the next couple weeks and if you pass, we’ll welcome you with open arms. However if you fail to live up to Dauntless expectations and flop through your initiation, you will be cut and become factionless.” 

Just as he finished a loud blaring screech that could only be the sound of a train was heard in the distance and quickly approaching.”

“This is the opening act of your initiation. If you can’t handle it, then there’s the stairs” Amar shouted over the sound of the train as he gestured towards the door. “Just know that if you do decide to go down those stairs, your test ends now and your welcome to join the factionless.” 

I gulped as I watched Amar and some of the other initiates gather towards the other side of the roof to get a running start. There’s no way I’m stopping now and becoming factionless, that would defeat the whole purpose of me leaving abnegation. If I wanted to be factionless I would have just ran away from home and left my faction.

With that in mind I made my way over to the side of the roof furthest from the ledge to also get a running start just as I saw the train approaching.

“Alright initiates let's see what you're made of!” A voice shouted as everyone broke into a dash towards the train. One by one I could see the ones in front of me jumping across the ledge and grabbing onto latches outside the train before angling themselves in.

I followed as I broke out into a sprint ignoring the pounding in my ears and shortness of breath I felt as I got closer and closer towards the edge before leaping off grabbing onto the latched lifeline before throwing my body into the train cart. I landed with a hard thud on my side and couldn't hold in the gasp of pain that escaped my lips.

“Whoa the stiff made it! I thought for sure you would have chickened out” The kid in front of me said with clear mockery in his tone “Not yet but he will” another voice joined in as they broke into a small fit of laughter.

I didn't pay any attention to it as I pulled myself to my knees and shuffled over to the wall where I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead on them. In, hold, out, hold, in, hold , out, hold,  
I chanted in my head as I tried to steady my breathing. I hated heights. Always have and after having to throw myself off a roof and into a moving train, it was enough to have my anxiety levels skyrocketing and hear the blood pumping through my ears. After a while when I finally steadied my breathing, I raised my head and took a big gulp of air and blew it through my mouth as I opened my eyes. I could feel someone's eyes on me and turned my head to the side where I caught Amar staring. I never got a chance to comment on it though as another instructor in the cart spoke up gathering everyone's attention.

“Prepare yourselves everyone. As soon as the train reaches the incoming buildings, we’re leaving, and this train stops for no one. If you're not off this train and on the roofs by the time it passes, consider yourselves factionless.” The instructor finished in a sharp tone, her eyes meeting each of ours momentarily as she spoke before turning and standing at the door we jumped in by.

I noticed the eager looks as well as the nervous and unsure glances of those around me before pulling myself to my feet. A little over 25 meters away were the rooftops we were supposed to land on which were becoming closer and closer as the train maintained its quick speed. The only warning we got to begin jumping was the instructor pressing a button to open the door, backing up and breaking into a sprint as she leaped off the train and landed on the pavement, rolling until she shifted her legs and swung them around to halt her movement. 

Amar doing the same and not soon after the initiates in my cart as well as the others attempting to do the same. I looked to the side and saw the end of the roof coming up, knowing that if the train passed that, I would be factionless. In the spur of the moment I backed up before putting as much force into my legs as possible on the last stride and jumped from the train and onto the roof, momentum still carrying me forward as I couldn't get my body to stop rolling. Pebbles and other sharp shards dug into my palms, arms, and knees as I tried to angle my body like I had seen Amar and the other instructor do earlier to stop the force still pushing me forward.

After a couple turns, I finally skidded to a stop, but not before leaving my left sleeve in a tattered strip of fabric barely hanging on. I immediately felt a hot flash of pain coming from my hands and when I turned them over to examine my palms I couldn't help but wince. My already too deep cut from the ceremony had started to bleed again with a vengeance and was already soaping through the cloth wrapped around it.

Trying to stop the bleeding I tore my already destroyed sleeve off the bottom part where my forearm was and bundled it around my palm as a makeshift cast. It would have to do for now before I found a doctor or something.

Suddenly a loud screech then a thud interrupted my thought process as I turned my head towards the noise. Although I could already asume what happened by the group of people peering over the edge of the roof, their faces a mixture of shock and grief as they gestured towards the ground.

A quick feeling of nausea and panic erupted from my belly at the thought of what had just occurred and I had to turn my head to the side as I took quick shuddering breaths to help lessen the overwhelming urge to throw up. Which I noticed a kid who was closer to the incident actually did as I heard gagging and wet coughs. I never thought about till now, but witnessing a person fall to their death not even 15 feet away from me was like a bucket of ice water being splashed onto my face.

“Alright guys gather over” The female instructor's voice boomed from near the centre of the pavement. I pulled myself to my feet and trudged forward my cuts and scrapes burning from being exposed to the air.  
“Hey! I knew you’d make it” Zeke laughed as he walked up beside me and playfully bumped my shoulder. Seeing his carefree attitude helped to lessen the feeling of dread that pooled in my belly. Before I can respond Amar speaks this time. “This is the last part of your test. All you need to do is jump down. Do this, and you get to start your actual initiation”

I peer down and sure enough a large gaping whole is there. It's so dark to the point that everything down below appears to be sheathed in a pitch black curtain, almost like a bottomless pit.“There's something to catch us at the bottom though right?” an initiate asks “Who knows, you’ll just have to jump and see” he says with a shrug. “Don’t be stupid obviously theres a net at the bottom” a voice scoffs from behind me and I notice Amar’s brow twitch in annoyance as he turns towards owner of the comment. “Then you can go first, let's see if your theories true or not.” One by one people shuffle towards the side to make room for the kid to step forward. When he walks out from behind me, I catch a quick glance of his face and recognition dawns on me. He was the one that transferred from Erudite. You wouldn't have needed to attend the ceremony to know that though. From the way the kid had his nose stuck in the air as he lifted an eyebrow in contempt said enough.

“Arrogant Erudite pricks! Always walking around like they own the damn place!” I recalled my father shouting to me one day. He had gone to a meeting with the Erudite and had come home more pissed off than ever. I also specifically remember that day as everything I did seemed to trigger him, and that was the first time he beat me till I passed out.

“What's your name kid?” Amar asked, not even bothering to keep the annoyance out his voice.

“Eric”

“Well Eric, we don't have all day”

As tough as Eric was trying to be as he walked up to the hole, I could still see the trembling of his hands as he clenched them into fists. Taking a deep breath he jumped off and we all waited for the tell tale sound of Eric hitting a net. Moments later we heard a gruff as Eric hit the net, and one by one people began jumping off. When Zeke’s turn came he screamed going down and I couldn't help the snort I let out when I heard a distinct Oof! when he landed. When I stepped up for my turn I couldn't help the shudder at how high the distance was. Despite knowing there was a net at the bottom I still couldn't help the fear that ran through my body as I worried my lip between my teeth. A large hand gently grasped my shoulder as I shifted to face the owner. I never took in how tall Amar really was as I had tilt my head back slightly to meet his eyes.

“You made it this far, you can do it alright? Now go you're holding up the line.” He finished as he removed his hand and crossed his arms. I couldn't tell whether he said that out of generosity to make me feel better, or irritation to make me hurry up but either way it did the trick. I closed my eyes and took in a quick breath as I jumped over the ledge clenching my eyes shut till I felt my back contact with a net made of thick rope that slightly stung my skin. I opened my eyes and looked up, seeing the bright light flooding down from the hole.

“Any day now Stiff move!” I snapped my head towards the voice of the same female instructor from earlier, shooting daggers at me as she gestures with her hand for me to hurry up and move. Climbing to my knees I manage to crawl off the net and get a foot down before my body swerves and I’m falling sideways. 

“Ahh!” A choked sound escapes my lips as she rushes to grab my shoulder and center me before grabbing my hand and pulling me off. I wince when she grabs my injured hand and quickly pull it from her grasp. “Thanks” I mutter and begin walking towards the exit. I don't get too far as she quickly yanks my hand back and inspects it. I look at her in confusion as to how she knows I’m injured and the exact hand for that matter before I notice her hand stained with blood that came from my wound when she helped me up. “What the fuck did you do? Stab yourself with the knife at the ceremony?” She asks in disbelief, turning and examining my hand in her hold.

“I guess I got distracted and cut too deep by accident” I say with a shrug not knowing what else to do. “I wonder what you were thinking about that caused you to slice so deep”

I shrug again. She purses her lips before sighing and releasing my hand. “Go find the nurse, there should be some walking around outside helping the ones that got injured” She dismisses me with the wave of a hand as the next person jumps, their screams escalating in volume as they fall.

I nod my head even though she’s already diverted her attention to the currently bawling initiate before turning and walking out.


	2. Chapter 2

“Alright, who’s next?” I ask as I turn to face the remaining initiates. Before we started there were about thirty or so initiates. After the last two tests about fifteen remained, the majority chickening out and becoming factionless while a couple who didn't make the jump, fell to their deaths I noted in my head. As I waited for the remaining five to decide amongst themselves, I couldn't stop my thoughts from drifting back to a certain abnegation transfer.

He was an enigma for sure. For one, abnegation transfers were practically unheard off, no one felt the need to transfer out of an already peaceful and relatively democratic faction. It may be dull but it was safe and secure. For those who did however transfer out, it was usually to Amity or Candor, not Dauntless. I can’t remember the last Stiff who transferred here if ever.

“Alright next.” The words leave my lips as if on auto pilot, my thoughts still a little occupied with the transfer as I remember back to earlier in the Hub.

“Alright that’s enough Ezekial” I say through clenched teeth. The kid and his stupid friends wouldnt stop talking! Now I know Dauntless is all about being boisterous and loud and out there, but come on! The choosing ceremony? Really? Show a little respect! I place my hand on the boy’s shoulder who’s between Ezekial and the redhead who I've seen around the compound with Zeke , trying to get his attention as well. The little transfer brat wouldn't stop talking either.

Huh? I focused my gaze on the transfer’s back as I felt him stiffen suddenly when my hand touched his shoulder. Ezekiel must have noticed something too, because he was staring at the brat in confusion before they both turned their heads towards me. And that's when I felt my throat suddenly go dry. A set of cool baby blues fluttered before he peered up at me from beneath thick dark lashes. He was gorgeous. Breathtakingly so, and I couldn't stop the swell of pride in my gut when his eyes raked over my form before settling on my face,-

“What did I do now Amar? What? I can't have a conversation? I didn't know speaking was a cause for concern.”

My thoughts were quickly interrupted and I rolled my eyes in annoyance at the little pest as I suddenly remembered why I came here in the first place. “You know better, I shouldn't have to come here and remind you guys to stop talking while the ceremony is in progress. Control yourselves.” “What if I can’t? I always got these random bursts to talk” “I do to” the read head chimed in from the side. “Guy’s I’m not in the mood for games nor is this the place” I say while glaring at the two of them “Yeah bu-”

“That's enough! Just sit down and shut up!” Both their mouths snap shut at the change in tone of my voice, knowing I wasn't joking around with them. I turn my attention back to the Stiff just as he peaks back up at me. My hand subsciously grips his shoulder tighter at his look before I remove my hand altogether. Despite it being nothing more than a simple look, I still feel my chest tighten and force down a gulp.

“Alright I expect you guys to stay quiet for the rest of the ceremony, don't make me come back here”-

“Amar! Are you listening to me? Was that the last one?” 

I jerk as I’m snapped out of my haze by the voice of Lauren, one of the instructors who came to the ceremony with me and was at the bottom of the pit. She jumped after Eric and was waiting at the bottom, keeping track of all the iniaties who jumped.

“Hello!?” 

“Yeah no, that was the last one!”

“Then get your ass down here already!” “Yeah, I’m coming!”

I turn my back towards the whole before leaning back and letting gravity take over, bracing myself for the sting that always burns on impact of the net.

“Do you know who's running initiation this year?” Lauren asks, while scribbling something down into her notes. “Yep, it’s me this year” I answer with a grin, this catches her attention as her eyes glance at me in disbelief before returning to her notes. “Good luck, you’ve got a weird batch this year” “Thanks I know”

I make my way off the net and towards the exit where I know the initiates are waiting. Just as I reach the door, Lauren calls out my name again. “Yeah?” “Make sure the stiff found the nurse. When he fell down here his hand was bleeding like crazy, I think he cut it too hard at the ceremony.” “Ah sure.” I answer with a bored tone, when really I’m anything but. I can feel my excitement growing and I bring a hand to my face, pretending to wipe my mouth in order to hide my grin at having a reason to talk to the Stiff again. 

“Thanks” Laren finishes as she grabs her notes and exits behind me. “No need to thank me” I say as I walk into the room, fifteen heads turning at the sound of the door opening. I meet each of their gazes, but there’s one I’m looking for in particular. I finally see him near the back, sitting with his back against the wall with his hands in his lap. He looks drained, but I push the thought from my head as I make my way to the middle of the room.

I clear my throat to gather everyone's attention before starting off. “You guys are all that’s left from earlier. You passed the warm up tests and are now qualified to participate in initiation. My name is Amar, I’m your initiation instructor. I grew up here, and three years ago, I passed initiation with flying colors, which means I get to be in charge of the newcomers for as long as I want. Lucky you.” I say, surveying the group. I check my watch, and it reads 3:57. It’s a little late for them to officially start, so I decide to end the first day here. “It’s now almost 4, we’ll officially start day one of initiation tomorrow where I will go over everything and you may ask any questions you have. I expect you to be in the training room by 9am to start. If you are late, I will start without you, if you fail to do something as simple as being there on time, you shouldn't be here.” I hear a scoff and turn my head towards the sound, seeing the Erudite transfer brat standing there with a scowl.

“Problem?”

“No, but how do you expect us to meet you at the training hall if we don’t know where it is?” Eric grunted.

“If you’d stop talking and actually listen to what I’m saying, you’d know.” I snap back as I narrow my eyes at him. I swallow down the satisfaction I get at seeing him flinch back at my tone. His attitude actually managed to catch me off guard before I felt the familiar twinge of annoyance rising up. I resist the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose, something I only did when I was feeling pissed off or annoyed. This was going to be a long three weeks.

“Anyways, Lauren here is going to show you to your room and give you a tour of the compoun-”

“Wait, room? Not rooms? Are we all sharing one?!” Another voice piques up and this time I don’t hold back my groan as my forehead creases in frustration.

“The next person that makes a sound without my say so goes without dinner. Have some respect for once in your lives and raise your damn hand if you have a question.” I say, the words coming out much more aggressive that I intended as I notice the girl who had spoken quickly put her head down.

“Yes, to answer the question you will all be sharing one room throughout your initiation phase. When you officially become a Dauntless member, you may choose to live with others or by yourself in the housing complexes. Dinner’s in two hours, I expect you all to be there. Now, does anybody have any questions?”

“What happens if we miss dinner?”

“Then you starve and go to bed hungry.” I answer with a shrug and glance around the room, my eyes settling on the stiff who has returned his gaze to his lap. That’s right, I still need to ask him about his hand, I note to myself. “Any other questions?”

“Yeah, if you're our initiation instructor, why aren't you giving us the tour? What if we have questions about initiation and we can’t find you?”

And it’s the same Erudite transfer from before. Whenever he speaks I find myself fighting the impulse to roll my eyes, much like now.

“You answered the question yourself newbie, I’m your instructor, not your babysitter. It’s not my job to lead you around and help you find your way to the bathroom. I'm here to train you and decide whether you should be here or not. To answer your second question, all your questions about initiation will be answered tomorrow in our first session. If not, then you can ask me then. If that’s it, you're all dismissed. Follow Lauren on your way out for the tour.” I finish off as I gesture towards her with my thumb. One by one each of them get up from their spot and follow after her out the door, the Stiff bringing up the rear. Before he gets to the exit, I move and put my hand on his shoulder, making him halt in his steps and turn to face me. Baby blues looking up at me questiongly.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asks, nervousness clear in his throat.

“No, of course not” I say, I don’t know why, but at his question I felt the need to assure him that he wasn't in trouble.

“Just checking to see if you managed to find a nurse for your hand.” I say, my voice considerably softer and in a gentler than before when I was addressing the whole group. I notice his expression relax a bit at my question before nodding his head and showing me his wrapped hand.

“A woman was in here earlier. She put this ointment on my hand and wrapped it. Said I should be good to go by morning.” He says with a small smile. And I have to fight the urge to break into a grin at seeing that. “Good, I don't want any excuses tomorrow when we start.” He nods at me before turning and catching up to the rest of the initiates. As soon as he leaves, I close the door and lean against the door, banging the back of my head on it by accident, but I barely notice the pain. The only thing running through my mind being that I need to get it together and stop getting distracted by those dumb baby blue eyes.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I can feel myself zoning out the longer the tour went on. “This is the dining hall, we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner here but it’s not required. There’re restaurants and such all over the compound, but you must pay for your food if you choose to go,” Lauren says, and I could tell she was already over the tour as well. I sigh and follow obediently, glancing around to observe the place. The compound was so different from Abnegation. Abnegation was above ground under the sun, and yet, all I can recall is everything looking as though it were smudged with gray, like the only colors on the pallet that painted the life I once lived were shades of back and white. I suppose our clothes also had to do with it but the atmosphere was always so cold and gloomy. I wonder when I started thinking that way. When I started to consider ‘home’ like just another dreary part of my life. Maybe it was after mom died, when Marcus turned his full attention to me and beat me in place of her as well. Or even before that when mom used to smile and act like everything was okay, even though we were both fully aware it wasn't and would never be. Dauntless on the other hand, was the complete opposite like all the missing colors on my pallet were placed here instead.

I know it sounds funny, considering the main color that Dauntless wore was black, but I still couldn't help but feel like it felt so much more lively and alive down here than it ever did up there. Lauren stops and announces that we’ve arrived in the common hall, and I’m once again taken aback by how different it is. It’s huge, with tv’s and other electronics on one side, and couches, tables and a snack bar on the other. People are draped all over each other, either talking and joking around by the walls or the couches, others are gathered around one of the bigger tv’s and cheering at whatevers playing, I even recognize one of the instructors from earlier at the ceremony behind the snack bar, laughing and playing around with another member. I can feel a warm feeling starting from my chest and spreading to my legs and the tips of my fingers as I survey the area. 

My eye’s land on Zeke who’s a couple feet away from me. I see him briefly say something to someone behind me before he senses my gaze and turns towards me. His face slowly morphs into a grin as he gives me a thumbs up and I can’t help but return the smile before Lauren calls for our attention once again. 

“The last stop is the room you guys will be sharing during initiation.” She starts and gestures for us to follow. On the way, she turns down a hallway that lead to another open hallway. This hallway however consisted of a makeshift bridge with railings on one side and a wall on the other. The railings faced what looked like a waterfall filled with rocks and spikes at the bottom. 

I glance around and nobody else looks particularly shocked by the underground waterfall except for Eric and the transfer girl from Candor.

“This is the chasm by the way, Dauntless borns would already know about this, but the transfers don’t. So I felt as though you guys should see it.” Lauren says, like she read my mind

“Careful crossing, I can expect you guys to have more sense than to horse around up here. Make no mistake, if you fall, you will die. The rocks and stones at the bottom will make sure of that.”

After she says that, a couple of the initiates immediately grab for the railing and I see Lauren snicker softly at that as she continues to lead us on. When I finally reach the bridge, and look over into the waterfall, I'm struck briefly by how beautiful it really is. The air smells damp and faintly of rain, and the water gives the hallway a sort of blue hue due to the sunlight reflecting off of it from the open ceiling. It’s strange to think that something so breathtaking could be so deadly.

A couple minutes later after three right turns and a left, we finally reached our room. And compared to the rest of the compound, it’s disappointing to say the least. The first thing I notice when we’re all inside is that it’s cramped, and I can’t fathom how the fifteen of us are gonna survive in here for the next three weeks. There are eight bunk beds in total, four lined up beside each other on either side of the room. Each bunk bed had a nightstand dresser to the left of it, which I assumed had our change of clothes in them. On the far end of the room, there were two door frames that lead into separate bathrooms. One for girls and one for the boys, although I didn't see the point of having different bathrooms if they weren't going to put doors on them, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

“And this is your room. Girls will be on one side with boys on the other. Now I know you guys are sharing a room, but you're going to have to resist your young impulses and refrain from doing anything that will result in you becoming factionless. This includes violence as well. Fights are for the training room where an instructor can monitor you, not the bedroom where you sleep.”  
“Well fights and stuff must have happened from before if you have to warn us now.” Shauna says with a bit of confusion in her voice. 

“Why go through the trouble of having to find the culprits when the compound is big enough for us each to get our own room?” 

“While that is true, this is just another way for your evaluators to get a better look at your character and weasel out the rotten ones. Think about it, if you place a person in a room full of competitors and tell them that it’s every man for himself, a select few will do anything in their power to get rid of their competition, regardless of said competition happens to be a fellow initiate and potential member. Dauntless values bravery, strength, and fearlessness. Would you say ganging up on someone and disabling them in the night demonstrates any of these things?”

“No, it doesn't.” Shauna says, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment at her question and the obvious answer.

Lauren seems to notice this and her expression softens somewhat. “This theory only applies to the ones we catch though. We can’t really act on the ones who've tried something and got away with it, but I’m hoping for both our sakes that we won't experience those types of issues this year right?”

And everyone around the room, including myself gives a collective nod, well everyone except Eric who’s shooting death glares at Lauren’s head. He suddenly turns his head towards and catches my gaze, shooting a glare at me and rolling his eyes before turning his attention back to Lauren. And I kiss my teeth and feel my eyes narrow slightly in response before averting my gaze as well. Seriously what’s that guy's problem? We’ve been here for a couple hours and all we've gotten was a tour. What the hell do you have to be so pissed off about?

“You guys have about-” Lauren briefly checks her watch before continuing, “half an hour before dinner. As Amar mentioned from before you don’t need to attend but it’s better to have a full meal today to prepare you for tomorrow, trust me you're gonna want to have all the energy you can get. If you do end up missing it, you won't starve as my idiot colleague told you earlier, the kitchen always has small snacks out that you can grab. Just don't expect anything great. You guys are officially dismissed for the rest of the evening.”

“Wait! Is someone gonna come in the morning to wake us up?”

Lauren looked at the kid who asked the question like they had just grown a third eye before answering

“Nope, were instructors not your parents, wake yourselves up.” And with that she turned and strolled out the room, leaving us to our own devices. As soon as she left everyone branched off to either claim their bed, or inspect the rest of the relatively small room and bathroom. I noticed the girls making their way to the right, so I turned to the left to find a bed just as Zeke zoomed past me and jumped on the nearest bed towards us.

“Hey Stiff! Lets share this bunk.” He said and pointed towards the top. I made my way over, and he slid over and patted the bed beside him.

Sighing I sat down in the spot he gestured to and turned towards him before asking him the question that’s been in the back of my mind for a while now.

“Why're you being so nice to me?”

He gave me a skeptical look before responding back. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you're being so nice to me when you don’t even know me, why?”

“Do I need a reason to be nice and try to get to know somebody?”

“Well-” I pause not knowing how to respond to that “No you don’t. Bu-!”

“But nothing, it’s only natural to be friendly when you’re trying to get to know somebody stiff, and speaking of that, when are you going to actually reveal your name?”

“I already told you, you can just call me stiff.”

“Right, because that’s so much better than saying your actual name.” both my head and Zeke’s snap towards Shauna upon hearing her response as she walks towards us.

“Hey Shauna, you done settling down?” 

“Yeah there wasn’t much to unpack considering their giving us clothes and all.” she responds with a shrug. “You guys hungry? I wanna shower but not with all these people in the room with no door.” Shauna says with a scowl and pointedly looks at the others in the room.

“Yeah, I could eat. Dinners just about to start anyway. If we're quick, we can finish before everyone else, then come back up to shower first.” Ezekiel says as he stands up to stretch his limbs.

“What about you ‘Stiff’?” Shauna asks, putting emphasis on the word stiff. At her question Zeke turns and looks down at me expectantly.

Feeling a little self consciousness at their stares, I advert my gaze to the side as I answer.

“I’m not that hungry, just a little tired. I’m probably gonna take a nap, then get a snack later.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” I confirm with a small nod

“Okay, see you later then.” Zeke says with a small wave as he walks out, Shauna doing the same before following behind him.

At their exit, I climb up onto my bunk and collapse onto my back. Not fully realizing how exhausted I was until I had a bed (albeit a little stiff and uncomfortable) underneath me. Laying back and feeling sleep slowly overtake me, I went over the day's events in my head. 

My fear at the choosing ceremony because of my father, the adrenaline running through my bones when we had to jump off the roof and the train, the feeling of relief I felt when my body hit the net despite already knowing it was down there, and the brief conversations I had with Amar. Blinking my eyes, my thoughts wandered back to the roof where his words gave me the assurance I needed to jump. 

I know deep down he said those things to get me to stop holding up the line and not out of any real concern for me, and yet I’m still grateful that he said them. His presence alone seemed to exude strength and assertiveness, something I desperately wanted to work on for myself.

“Hey dinner’s about to start let’s go! We’re gonna be late!”

I heard a voice in the room call out, before numerous footsteps clambered out the room. Leaving it dead silent aside from a shower going coming from the bathroom.

I guess someone else decided to skip out on dinner too. I thought to myself as I drifted off, not noticing the shower turning off and a calculating hard glare being directed at my back from whoever came out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes! I haven't read through and edited any typos yet, ill probably repost the edited version later!  
> (Tobias perspective in first half, Amar’s perspective in latter half although when Tobias goes under the simulation it switches briefly back to his perspective)

“Hey Stiff, wake up. You need to shower before initiation starts.”

I slowly open my eyes at the sound and touch of someone shaking my shoulder. I try to get my eyes to focus in the darkness on the looming figure in front of me until I notice a head of curly hair. Zeke

“Hey don’t fall back asleep! I woke you up earlier to shower like you asked, get up!” He whisper shouts as he kneels back down to his bed and the sound of shuffling and rummaging fills the room.

“What time is it?” I say, my voice scratchy from just waking up. 

“About seven -thirty now I think?” “Alright thanks” I say as I stifle a yawn and push myself up to my knees. After I fell asleep yesterday Shauna came to wake me up and came with me to the kitchen to get some snacks. I remember wandering the place for a bit before coming back to the room at lights out and knocking out. I don’t remember much after waking up from my nap, but I do recall asking Zeke to wake me up whenever he got up since I never showered yesterday after reaching the compound. An action I regret now as I can literally feel all the dirt and grime caked to my skin due to yesterday's activities. I raise my arms to stretch and grimace at the pungent odor of sweat permitting the air. A shower’s definitely in order, I think as I slowly climb down from the ladder and make my way to the bathroom. 

“Thanks again, you can go back to sleep if you want. I’ll wake you up when I’m done.” “Nah it’s okay, I wanted to wake up early on purpose to ask one of the instructors some questions before initiation starts. Just about getting some spare clothes and stuff. He says with a yawn before climbing out of the bed as well. “See you at breakfast at let's say around 8?” He asks, a hopeful tone in his voice. Not having it in me to turn down the request I nod and try to rub the sleep out of my eyes before fully entering the bathroom. 

The blaring white light help to wake me up and I make my way over to the toilet to relieve myself. When I finish I flush, walk to the sink to wash my hands and inspect my appearance. My eyes are puffy and a little red with an outline of eye crusts at the bottom. I splash cold water on my face to help the puffiness and get rid of the eye boogers before walking to one of the showers and turning it on as hot as it can go. 

While I wait for the water to heat up, I head back into the room and take out a pair of black sweats and a black t shirt from the dressers to change into along with a pair of boxers. I hang the clothes on a nearby rack and strip out my ripped and dirtied ones, tossing them in the hamper that's also conveniently placed in the bathroom. 

By the time I’m done, steam starts to fill the bathroom from my shower and I slip under, adjusting the water temperature in the process. After slipping under I can’t stop the groan that escapes my lips at the warm water on my skin. After soaking for a bit I get soap from the dispenser in the shower stall and lather it on my body before doing the same with my hair from the shampoo dispenser. The water that pools at my feet swirls down the drain with a distinct murky color, so I repeat the washing process until the water stays clear. Roughly ten minutes later, I shut off the tap and towel off, getting dressed when I’m mostly before going to the sink to brush my teeth with toothbrushes that have been set out for us. I notice that my face looks better and the puffy, redness from earlier is now completely gone. 

As I make my way out, I notice a couple other people starting to get up and start their routine as well. I check the time in front of me and it reads 8:03 in bright red numbers. Zeke’s probably already at breakfast already and from Shauna’s empty bed, she is too. 

It’s about time to meet them anyway 

I think to myself while walking towards the door before my path is blocked by two bodies, who are notably bigger than me. One has his hands crossed with a smirk on his face while the other’s hands are at his side with a sneer directed at me. The one with his hands crossed has freckles littered all over his nose, with a pair of sharp green eyes. He’s tall with a bit of muscle, but that’s about it. Nothing I would consider to be threatening or intimidating about him aside from his absurd height. 

The other one’s smaller and more close to my height with more bulk and muscle to speak of. I can’t help but compare him to a buff pig with how his nose looks like a pig’s snout and his compact bulky body.

“Move.” The word flies out of my mouth before I can stop it.

“Is that anyway to talk to a fellow initiate member?” The taller one asks, the smirk ever apparent on his face. I sigh and restrain from rolling my eyes before responding.

“Alright, please kindly get the fuck out of my way.” I say, impatience clear in my voice and the taller one just laughs which only serves to make me more irritated. 

“Relax Stiff, we just wanted to have a little talk is all”

“Your little ‘talk’ can wait, I have places to be if you’ll excuse me.” I say as I try to push past them. Their little ‘chat’ was gathering the attention of the other people in the room and I wasn't in the mood to humor their bravado act.

“You know I don’t think you understand the position you're in.” piggy says and grabs my arm just as I was about to go through them, making me stumble. He uses that to his advantage as he shoves me so my back hits his partners chest, caging me in. The murmurs in the room grow in volume as the situation goes on and I see piggy’s nostrils flare in approval, like he’s enjoying this. The sick fuc-

“I’m gonna tell you how this is gonna go alright? We’re gonna ask you some questions and you're gonna answer when I tell you to.” This time I don’t hold back the urge to roll my eyes and piggy’s eyes narrow when he notices. “You got a problem with that?” 

“Are you deaf or something? I just told you that I don’t have time for this.” I respond, my voice still sounding unbothered and I can tell it works to rile them up even more when I don’t show any reactions to their taunting. Piggy glowers down at me, angling his head lower than necessary as he’s barely a couple inches taller than me.

“I heard you from before, but me and the guys have been talking and we couldn’t help but feel the need to ask.” He started before his mouth morphed into a sneer “Why’d you wake up especially early today to shower? You avoided the shower yesterday and went to bed, then woke up early today to go first before anyone else could join you. Are we missing something here? Is there something you're not telling us Stiff?” I heard a couple laughs at this and I was genuinely confused at where he was going with this. Was it considered weird to shower alone in Dauntless? 

The more I thought about it, the more puzzled I became and I guess it must have shown on my face because Piggy's laughter slowly stopped as he noticed my expression. Feeling fed up and annoyed I glare up at piggy before raising a brow in question. “I didn’t know wanting to wake up early and shower first was such a weird concept. And it’s a little weird that you've been watching me that hard to have picked up on all that. If you're done here can I go now?” 

That earned a couple snickers from the guys in the room and a couple of the girls. I could see the heat rising to piggy’s cheeks as he clenched his teeth in what I assumed was embarrassment. 

“That’s it, you're asking for it now.” He growled, bringing his fist back, and despite knowing this wasn't Marcus and that I could fight back, I still felt a shiver of fear run through me. 

“What is going on here?” Both my head and piggy’s snap towards the door where we see Zeke, and that’s the most pissed off I've ever seen him look. 

“I was wondering why you were taking so long, Jackson. Judas. Do you need something with my friend?” Immediately I felt the one Zeke addressed as Jackson move from behind me and Judas immediately backed off as well. “Nah man there’s no problem, just getting to know the Stiff better” Judas says, raising his hands in mock surrender. The crowd that was surrounding us starts to disperse as they realize that the tension and potential fight has ended and that they need to shower and eat before initiation.

I glance over at Zeke and he beckons for me to come over. I do, but not before roughly bumping my shoulder into Jackson on my way out. 

“I'm sure you were. Nice to know you're getting to know everyone better huh? Next time you do your little talk, make sure to invite me, kay? I’d love to catch up with you all.” And Judas flinched back at that, the warning clear.

“Lets go, Shauna’s waiting.” And with that Zeke waits for me to walk out first before following behind me, glaring at Judas throughout the whole exchange. When we're out of ear shot, I speak up.

“I could have handled it you know but, thanks anyway” I mumble the last part so quickly I'm almost certain he missed it, until I hear him let out a small chuckle.

“I’m sure you could have but I also just don’t like Jackson and Judas” “I’m not surprised at that, are they always that welcoming or am I just special?”

“Nope, they’ve always been like that, but as for why they chose you as their target, I think I have a pretty accurate guess.”

“Really? What's that?” He pauses briefly before looking me in the eye as he answers, voice totally serious.

“Well for one you're a transfer, from abnegation no less, and two you don’t really act like you're from there.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Not necessarily, it’s just, how can I put this, unusual? I've known you for less than 24 hours and if I didn't already know you were from abnegation, I would have never guessed. Abnegation values selflessness as you know and they wouldn't bother getting into petty squabbles. You guys consider it to be- wait, what's the word?

“Self indulgent, and therefore selfish.”

“Exactly! But each time me or Shauna joked around with you or called you Stiff, rather than not responding or asking us to stop you gave a snarky response right back to us, whether in words or your actions, you don’t back down. I’m assuming they noticed that and wanted to make a scene of them talking down to you or embarrassing you to earn some brownie points.”

“Well, that’s gonna be a pain in the ass to deal with if they keep this up.” I grumble “Yup it is, but don’t get too stressed out about it. Judas is basically all bark with no bite unless there’s a crowd in front of him and Jackson wouldn't hurt a fly without Judas’s say so.” 

So ones an attention seeker and the other ones a follower. That shouldn't be too hard to deal with. I think as we finally reach the hall. I see Shauna at the table with a couple other people and automatically start to feel uncomfortable with the thought of having to entertain and talk to other people. 

As we approach closer and closer to the table I’m starting to regret my agreement to eat with Zeke instead of just grabbing a quick snack and eating alone. Zeke softly nudges my shoulder after picking up on how quiet I've suddenly gotten. “Hey, there’s nothing to be worried about. The three other people at the table are just my little bro and Shauna’s little sister along with her friend.” Zeke’s words do next to nothing to help my unease as we finally settle at the table. Shauna’s already gotten us plates of food, which I’m thankful for as it gives me an excuse to dig in and not speak to anyone. It wasn’t that I was particularly shy or timid about talking to strangers. Marcus made damn sure of that so I wouldn't embarrass him wherever we were invited over to another family's house for dinner. I just didn’t want to. So after eating my food and saying a couple words here or there, I dismissed myself and decided to walk around a bit before initiation officially started. I ended up at the chasm and decided to sit against the wall. Just listening to the rushing water and feeling the stray water droplets spray onto my exposed arms every so often. After a bit, I check the time on a clock I see hanging on the wall near the end of the hallway. 8:55. I better leave before I’m late and with that I make my way to the training hall.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

“Alright guys gather round, we’re gonna go over exactly what’s gonna happen in the next three weeks” I say and gesture for the initiates to sit in front of me. “In order to pass, you must win two rounds of fighting, face your fear simulation, and finally go through your fear landscape where the leaders will assign you a grade determined by a score. The better your score, the better job you’ll be able to take on afterwards.” 

I hear murmurs and whispers around the room as I pause to let the information sink in before I raise my hand to call for their attention once more. 

“At the middle and end of every week, you will fight the person assigned to you, meaning in total, you will get to fight six times. As I mentioned before, you only need to win two of the six so statistically you all have the potential to pass. The fighting is a test of your physical capabilities, the other two parts are more of a mental test. As you know before you have your choosing ceremony you go through a simulation which tells you what faction is suited to you. You will go through a similar process only this time instead of acting in a situation that was chosen for you, your mind will conjugate it for you in the shape of your fears. Manage to get through each of your fears and you’ll have passed the mental test.”

“That’s it? That doesn’t sound too difficult, there must be a catch like, a certain number of fears we each have to do. So instead of just doing one do we have to pass like five or something?” one of the initiates asks in a skeptical tone and there’s a couple voices who second the question

“No actually the number varies for each person.”

“So are people with more mental strength given a higher number of fears for them to do?”

“Okay I think you guys are a little confused at this, the number varies for each person because you all have a different amount of fears. You will go through all of them and your score is assigned on how long it takes for you to do this. You will go through your simulations multiple times throughout the three weeks to prepare you for the final examination, your first time being today. Now follow me, we’re going to the simulation room.” I say as I walk towards the door, gesturing with my shoulder for them to follow me. 

The simulation room isn't too far away, after walking for a bit I lead them into another large room with a door on the other side where the simulation actually happens. 

“I’ll call you guys one by one to do your simulation, wait here in the meantime.” 

While I’m talking I can’t help my eyes trailing over the initiates looking for a certain abnegation transfer, finally catching him near the back next to Zeke. Zeke was talking to him or at least trying too and raised his arm to put around his shoulder. The Stiff turned and said something that I couldn't make out to him, before Zeke quickly removed his arm and gave him a hurt look. Although I’m guessing that whatever the Stiff said wasn't that bad because not even a second later Zeke was trying to no avail to wrap his arm around his shoulder again. I internally shake my head at the two before walking towards the simulation room and pivoting slightly, pointing with my thumb to the nearest person towards me. “You're up first, let's go.”

Four grueling hours later I unhook the current initiate Judas from the machine. He’s the fourteenth one to go so far. The longer this goes on, the more bored I feel myself become. Most people have between ten to fifteen fears save for an enigma or two who’ll have a couple less and a lot of them are pretty common, like having a fear of death or bugs or something like that. And after having to watch twelve kids go through their fears, which were pretty repetitive to say the least, I wanted to call it quits and just finish up tomorrow.

“Alright, you can go now.” 

The kid Judas stiffly nods at me before walking out, his legs slightly shaking. I quickly scribble out some notes regarding the kid’s fear and the absurdly long amount of time it took for him to get out. “Okay” I call out, too lazy to go back to the room and tell next kid to come up. 

“Whoever's next, please make your way here.” I hear shuffling as the next initiate makes their way over, in the meantime I make myself busy with preparing the next serum, my head facing away from the entrance. The shuffling abruptly stops as the initiate stops at the doorway. Still occupied with my task I speak without looking up. 

“Come over, and lay down.” I say, my voice sounding like I would rather be anywhere else but here. Quite steps patter forward before settling down on the recline chair, leaning back. It isn't until I lean back up, syringe in hand and take a look at who came in next that I realize it’s none other than the Stiff. Our eye’s make contact and automatically I feel a slight but most definitely there, heat begin to pool in my belly. 

He glances at the syringe, then looks back to be unsure “It’s fine” I assure him “I’m gonna stick this in your arm and you’ll fall under the simulation a couple seconds later okay?” “Alright.” At his approval I carry on, injecting the serum into him. watching blue eyes blink a couple times before slowly closing. As soon as he’s under I turn my head to the screen. I’m actually a little excited to find out more about him if I’m being honest even if it’s just through his fears. 

“Let’s see what you got.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

As soon as I open my eyes I can feel the cool sensation of wind on my face, blowing my clothes. For a split second everything’s calm, that is before I look down and realize that I’m standing on the ledge of what seems to be a skyscraper. The only thing stopping me from falling forward a small railing in front of me. 

My eyes widen and on impulse I crouch down holding onto the railing for dear life as I try to muffle my screams, teeth harshly biting into my lip until the familiar taste of copper begins to permeate my mouth. Calm down, calm done. It’s not real, come on breathe! I slowly open my eyes, I didn't notice when I closed them to begin with and suspect my surroundings. The area I’m crouching on can’t be more than a meter in every direction, a railing only being on one side of the square where I was currently leaning against. 

I’m clearly supposed to find a way to climb done, but it would be faster to just jump and put an end to this. With that in mind I suck in a large breath, clenching my eyes shut once again as I stand up and quickly jump off. The wind screeches in my ears as my body continues to free fall before a searing burst of pain rushes through me as I collide with the pavement. And as quick as the feeling of my body smashing into the ground comes, it's gone again. When I open my eyes I’m in a dark room, and I feel my gut churn, immediately knowing what this next fear is. 

My feeling is proved to be right as not even a second later the walls surrounding me shift closer and closer until I’m forced to crouch down. 

My breathing picks up and I feel sweat start to gather as I slowly work myself into a state of hysteria. I try settling my breathing and calm down, but as soon as I raise my arm and it hits enclosed space all hell breaks loose. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears, my heart pounding painfully in my chest as I grabbed my shirt in my hands, trying to ground myself to something and calm down to no avail. 

My hands started to shake uncontrollably to the point where I could no longer feel the fabric between my fingers, and that just made me panic even more. 

I Can’t Breathe, Why can’t I breathe? 

Just push a bit more and it’ll open up come on PUSH!

Open, come on open up! WHY won't it open?

I feel my throat tightens and the longer this goes on the harder it’s getting to breathe. My chest starts to burn and my vision goes blurry as my eyes well up with unshed tears, biting my lip to stop myself from openly sobbing.

“Come on Stiff think it though! There’s gotta be a way out of there.”

My eye’s snap open at Amar’s voice, his words resonating throughout my head. I suck in shuddering breath, hold it for a few seconds before letting it out. I repeat this a couple more times until I can feel my hands again. I stick my hand out, around the edges and the wall searching for something, anything to get me out. I swipe my hand out in front of me and it catches onto something, pulling back I feel for it again. 

A door handle. 

As soon as the realization dawns on me I’m turning it and pushing full force, stumbling out of the small room and into a bright white one. I pull myself up, dusting my clothes off on the way up. In the middle of the room lies a table with various different weapons lined across it. I glance to the side and notice a boy a little younger than me beside the table, watching me. 

I approach the table, expecting the boy to grab one of the weapons in defense but he doesn't, he just stands there, staring vacantly at me. I glance back down at the weapons before returning to meet his stare once again before I flinch, a feeling of dread filling me as I finally realize what exactly I’m supposed to do. 

Wanting to get this over as quickly as possible I grab the weapon closest to me, a gun. I raise it up, pressing it between the boys eyes and feel a lump form in my throat. As much as I try to, I can’t pull the trigger while facing him, it’s too much. 

I slightly lower my head, just enough so I won’t have to witness the deed I’m about to perform.

BANG

I unclench my eyes and stare at the ground, trying to steady my breathing and the shaking in my hands. After taking in another slow steady breath, I look up and notice the room’s warped once again. My shock quickly becomes horror, a feeling of dread making itself apparent from my gut. I know exactly where I am and exactly what’s about to happen as I take in my surroundings and notice I’m in the kitchen. The chip on the end of the kitchen table where my father hit the metal part of his belt, when he was aiming for me but missed, he faded out grey tiles lightened by fluorescent white lights. It’s like my senses have been heightened, probably due to my fight or flight instinct kicking in. I turn my head towards the kitchen entrance where heavy footsteps are becoming louder and louder as the figure I know all to well approaches.

“Tobias! What have I told you?”

Despite knowing when he was going to reach the kitchen, I still couldn't suppress the flinch that overtook my body at his loud booming voice.

“This is for your own good Son, you know this.”

And with that he charges towards me, belt raised and it's my ‘flight’ insects that kick in. I gasp as I pivot my body, barely escaping his reach, and try to run to anywhere but here. My skin feels tingly and hot, and it’s not helping that my clothes are starting to cling to me from all the sweat.

“Don’t run from me boy!”

My hearts pounding in my chest, adrenaline coursing through my veins as I manage to get to the back entrance that leads to the stairs, but before I can even grab the railing a fist grabs the back of my shirt and yanks me back making me lose my balance and trip landing on my side.

“Stop! Let me go! Please Dad stop!”

My cries fall on deaf ears, the feeling of polished leather coming down and snapping at my skin is all I can focus on. Scorches of heat resonate on my skin in every area the belt touches, bringing tears to my eyes and choked out sobs from my lips. All I could do was curl into a ball on my side, praying for the lashes to stop.

“Don’t you ever run from me boy! How could my son be so selfish? Thinking that he could get out of a beating my running? You shame me!”

I look around the room, trying to ground myself with something, anything, when that doesn't help I close my eyes and try to ignore the throbbing pains all over my body. An image suddenly pops into my mind, a sculpture my mom gave me when I was younger. I can see it, on my desk in my room and the more I focus on it, the more I feel myself calming down. The pain I previously felt from the belt slowly dulling,  
only stopping when my vision went black and suddenly I was sitting up gasping. Clutching at my chest. The simulation, it’s over. Fluorescent lights blinded me as I squinted up and a pair of shocked eyes stared back at me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update! My first school semester ended and I went from having a spare to having a full day schedule now, so I've been busy with school and trying to organize my time. I most definitnly havent forgotten about the story though! If anything my updates are just gonna be a bit slower. Sorry for any mistakes! I haven’t gone through and fixed any yet.

His fourth fear made me want to vomit. Tobias Eaton. The stiff, his name- that’s Tobias Eaton. Marcus Eaton’s son. I can’t believe it, a million and one thoughts going through my head each second while the stif- I mean Tobias catches his breath. 

To think that all the rumors from the Erudite papers about the Abnegation Leader beating on his son were true. I guess that’s the reason the little enigma left his faction and why he was so hesitant to say his name, and from what I can recall, even Zeke and Shauna still call him Stiff. 

As appalling and disgusting as the truth is, there’s another pressing matter currently demanding my attention as well, that’s been on my mind ever since the kid came out of the fear landscape after only four fears. “Thats it?” I say shocked. “That's all there is? God stiff.” 

Having four fears is, unheard of to say the least. He’s still shaking, his arms crossed clutching at his sides. Probably from the still fresh memory of his abusive father. I walk over to him slowly to grab his attention and fearful blue eyes jerk up at me, and I can’t help the pang of grief I feel when I notice his eyes are still wet. He quickly rubs his eyes with his arm before turning his head and staring at his lap, eyes filled with shame. I reach out my hand for him to grab, which he takes, and pull him out of his seat, a surge of electricity running jolting through me when our fingers touch.

“We should come up with another name for you,” I says casually. “Something tougher than ‘Stiff.’ Like ‘Blade’ or ‘Killer’ or something.” He looks up at me at this and I give him a small smile, trying not to convey all of the pity I feel for him into the smile. 

I must have succeeded because he gives me a small nervous smile in return and my heart swoons for this boy. “I wouldn't want people to call my name either, come on, let’s go get some food” All I get is a small nod and that’s enough for me as we both get up and make our way to the cafeteria. 

When we reach, I walk him over to one of the initiates table’s where I notice him take the only empty seat there, which just happens to be next to Eric, who immediately turns and sneers at him, saying something that I can't pick up on. I stifle the urge to roll my eyes as I turn my attention to the rest of the room and clap my hands to gather everyone's attention. 

“Congratulations, you all made it through your first day of initiation with varying degrees of success.”

I look at Eric when I say my next part, wanting to see his cocky expression change. “None of you did as well as Four here though” I point my finger at Four as I speak. He looks up at me, nose scrunched up in confusion at the sudden nickname. I ignore the look and continue playing up my act. 

“Hey Tori, you ever hear of someone having only four fears in their fear landscape?”

“Last I heard the record was seven or eight, why?”

“I've got a transfer over here with only four fears.” 

Tori raises an eyebrow at this and gestures towards Tobias were her thumb, I give her a nod in conformation. 

“That's gotta be a new record” She says, a bit of shock creeping into her tone. I turn towards ‘Four’ and give him a pat on the shoulder. Half to seal the deal, half because I wasn't gonna pass up an opportunity to touch him again. 

“Well done.” and with that I make my way to the instructors table where Tori is, but not before I hear a brief exchange between Four and Eric that pulls a genuine smile to my face.

“What’s your real name, again? Starts with an E . . . ?

“My name is Four. Call me ‘Stiff’ again and you and I will have a problem.”

It’s been exactly a week since that day in the cafeteria, and I can’t say I’m totally alright with what i've been noticing. I started training the initiates last week for their upcoming fights later that week. They trained in their groups that I placed them in, each group having five people for a total of three separate groups. The training went relatively smooth with some initiates naturally picking it up and continuing to rapidly improve with each session which was good, helps to build a better competition. On the other hand, other initiates were taking a bit longer to get it, but they were at least keeping up, but among all the initiates there were a few, eccentric ones that I've noticed, those eccentric ones being Four and Eric. 

My thoughts continued to wonder as I made my way to the training hall, already knowing who I was gonna find there despite today’s session being done hours ago.

Four and Eric were in a league of their own, heads and shoulders above the other initiates, which was shocking to say the least. Who would have thought that the initiates to beat this year would have both been transfers, and from Abnegation and Erudite no less. I shake my head in disbelief the more that I think about it.

The training room smelled of sweat and determination, the scent permeating strongly around Four. He was at the punching bags, thrusting all of his weight into each punch. The sound of skin smacking against leather filling the area in a way that was sure to sting and leave bruises on his fists later. 

I feel my mood dampen when I still see him still going at the bags, not noticing my presence in the room. Not because he hasn't acknowledged me, but more because i've been picking up little things about him all week, and I cant help but feel worried. 

He’s obsessive, compulsive, and very insecure, the worst combination. He doesn't go out with the rest of the initiates to gatherings or even eat with us willingly, I even can’t remember the last time I saw him with Zeke or Shauna since the list of fights for this week came out.

“So I’m assuming you know who you're fighting this week then?” I say, interrupting his training. I notice him stiffen before turning around to face me, hair sticking to his forehead and his shirt sticking to his body from sweat. All I get is a nod in confirmation before the sound of smacks fills the room once again. I roll my eyes in disbelief at being blown off so casually, so I make my way towards him and grab the bag, stopping in its tracks and in turn Four. He looks up at me, brow raised in confusion.

“You need to go out, make some friends, socialize, do ANYthing but stay cooped up in here and train all day.”

“I do have friends, and I do go out.” He says his bottom lip jutting out in a pout that I don't think he noticed he was making. I felt my heart skip a beat and had to physically stop myself from cooing at him.

“No you don't, the furthest i've seen you go is the cafeteria, and even then it’s not with everybody else.”

“Amar, I’m fine. I just like having my space is all.” 

“No you're not. Wanting to have space is fine, but you don't make the effort to talk to anyone at all or take a break from training.” I stare at him as I speak, noticing his hands fidgeting and I let out a sigh.

“Not only that but you've been fidgetly lately and it’s a little concerning how easy it is to notice. Your’re stressed and anxious about the mat-”

“I am not anxious about fighting Eric.” He interupts, a scowl painting his features.

“Fine, whatever you want to believe, but I think that if you don't go out and actually try to get rid of some of this tension, eventually you're gonna snap and I don't wanna be there when that happens.”

His eyes widen at that and his expression softens, seemingly taking in what I’m saying before he speaks up.

“Okay, so what should I do now then? It's already late. Everyones going to bed soon.”

I let a smile perk up at that. “Not everyone, a few of the members are gonna go out tonight and play a Dauntless game. You should come, I’m offering you the chance to earn some status and make some friends for none other than the reason that I feel bad for you” I say, in a flat tone, trying to sound bored when I’m really anything but.

“Fine, so what's the game?”

“You’ll just have to come and see for yourself.”  


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

“Dare”

“Dare?” I say, a questioning undertone apparent in my voice. 

“What’s that?”

Lauren, the instructor from earlier, takes a swig of alcohol from her bottle before passing it off to the girl beside her and answering. She’s hanging onto a handle in the train car, trying and failing to keep from swaying, the justling of the train certainly not helping.

“It’s the game, everyone goes around and dares someone. The person who’s dared takes a drink from the bottle, does the dare, and then dares the next person.”

“How do you win?” One of the dauntless calls out, a boy who sits slouched against Amar like their close friends or something. Amar in turn sits with his arm around the guy’s shoulder, sitting in comfortable silence. He must have sensed me staring, because suddenly a pair of chocolate brown eyes flicker and are boring into mine. I quickly look away, a feeling of awkwardness washing over me at being caught, resulting in a small blush making its way onto my cheeks . 

From the corner of my eye I notice him subtly moving his arm from the guy’s shoulder, bringing it back down in front of him to cross his arms. That’s weird, is he embarrassed that I saw that? From what I've seen, everyone in Dauntless are rather touchy feely with each other. 

It’s not the first time I've seen Dauntless members literally hanging off their friends, heck I see Amar hanging all over Lauren and vice versa all the time. It must have struck the guy beside him as strange too, because as soon Amar moved, he turned towards him in confusion.

“You win my not being a little pansy.” Lauren replies, her words slurring together and effectively snapping me out of my thoughts.

“As keeper of the Alcohol, I go first. Amar, I dare you to run into the Erudite library where all those little pricks are studying and yell something obscene.”

She takes the bottle back from the girl beside her and tosses it to Amar, who catches it single handley and eagerly gulps some of it down.

The rest of the night happened so quickly it seemed like a blur. After Amar finished his dear of running through the Erudite library and screaming something obscene that was distinctly sex related, (I feel my cheeks burn in embaressemt once again at the memory) he dared one of the Dauntless to strip down to his boxers and stay that way for the rest of the night. 

The game went on and on with each dare becoming more and more ridiculous than the last. I couldn't help but feel a bit anxious yet still excited for my turn which came sooner than I thought when the man who was leaning on Amar earlier turned to me after finishing his dare of chugging one of the many liquor bottles we had left. “Okay *hic* you haven't gone yet *hic* right?” I wrinkle my nose at the heavy scent of liquor flooding my senses. The man clearly drunk seemed to have lost the concept of personal space, his warm breath hitting my face. 

I shake my head to answer his question and a small grin breaks out over his face. “Okay stiff *hic* here’s your chance to really prove you're and not a wussy*hic* I dare you to get a tattoo.” 

I raise my eyebrows in shock, not expecting my dare to be so.. permanent. 

Clearly I wasn't the only one shocked as both Zeke and Amar came to my defence. “Hey don’t you think that’s a bit much?” Amar says looking between me and the drunk man in front of me. “Yeah Amar’s right man, give him something else.” “Hey, that’s not fair! We never backed out, unless he’s too chicken?” Amar and Zeke both turn to the third voice, glaring at him. I turn my head too and have to resist the urge to scowl. Judas. “Come on Stiff, you're not really gonna back down are you?” He asks with a smirk, clearly thinking I’m not up to the challenge. 

I roll my eyes at him and notice Amar about to snap back to him. Before he can, I take the bottle from the man in front of me who had been trying to shove into my hands since he dared me and take a quick swig. The alcohol burns as it slides down my throat, making it feel raw and leaving a comforting warmth in my belly. I lower the bottle from my lips and quickly wipe my mouth, hiding the grimace that works its way onto my face from the taste of the liquor while also subtly forcing myself not to gag. Seriously, if this is what alcohol tastes like, I can’t imagine why someone would be addicted to this. 

Yuck. 

“Who’s chicken? I never said I was gonna back down did I?” 

I hear the dauntless around me cheer once more and Amar makes his way towards me to talk to me under all the shouts. 

“Four, you know you don't have to do this right?” 

“I know” I say with a shrug “But I want too, you said to work off some stress right? This is me destressing.” I add with a small smile before I feel myself getting pushed forward by some of the other members, leading me towards the tattoo parlor.

“Hey Tori, you free?” Lauren asks when we finally reached the parlor. It had to have been after 2am by now with how long it took to get here. Half the dauntless members were either currently drunk out of their minds, or passed out being carried by their drunk friends. The 15 minute walk, turning into an hour. I sigh as my eyes slide up towards Tori, immediately recognizing her as the one who ran my aptitude test. A feeling of warmth fills me at the friendly face, but that feeling is quickly replaced by unease as it dawns on me that other than Amar and Eric, she knows exactly who I am. 

“Depends, what do you need me for?” She glances up from her work that litters her dest when she says that, her eyes catching mine. She raises an eyebrow and I can’t tell if it’s directed at me in question of being here or approval of me finally leaving the compound. I don’t have the time to ponder it as my thoughts are quickly interrupted by Lauren. 

“We've got a stiff here who needs a tattoo.” 

“Really?” Tori says unable to hide her shock. I’m guessing not too many abnegation transfers have come to her requesting a tattoo after only a week of initiation. She looks towards me once again to gauge my reaction and I give her a nod, confirming Lauren’s earlier statement. 

“Okay, follow me, there’s a free room big enough to fit all of you in the back.” 

And with that she gets up making her way to the back, with a pack of tumbling drunk members following her in her quake. When we enter the room she motions to a table for me to sit down on. 

“So what would you like?” 

“You should get one on your ass! I heard that it doesn't hurt as much where there’s lots of fat!” 

Some pipes up and that garners a few laughs and an eye roll from me, but I still allow my lips to curl into a small smile. 

“No, but that’s too easy then, get one on your neck!” 

Other voices start to pop up giving me suggestions on where to get my tattoo, slightly slurred voices all blurring together and making a commotion. 

“Ahem.” 

Tori clears her throat, clearly getting fed up with how loud the conversation’s becoming. “Four, what would you like?” I meet her gaze before glancing around the room, taking in the various tattoo designs strewn around the walls for something that catches my attention. 

My eyes land on black flames, a simple yet bold design. The words Dauntless are all but said, it seems quite fitting to say the least. Dauntless flames, the final touch in erasing my abnegation past and the biggest insult to my Father. It’s the last though that pushes me to get the tattoo. 

“I want that one” I say, gesturing towards the flames. 

“Ohh, good choice, Dauntless flames! Hell yeah!” One of the dauntless cheer and a few voices chime in, in agreement. 

Tori nods at me before responding. “Where do you want it?” 

Most definitely not on my ass, I think as I hear another voice repeat the earlier suggestion. 

Not on my arms either, not when they're basically still all skin and bones even with the added muscle from my training and I don’t feel comfortable stripping out of my pants in front of everyone to do it on my thigh either. 

“On my back” I say. 

“Are you sure?, that’s gonna be pretty painful for your first time. Most people do their upper arms for the first time. Much easier to handle the pain.” 

Tori sighs before getting up and coming back with disinfectant wipes. 

“All right, you're gonna have to take your shirt off.” 

My previous unease returns tenfold and under her scrutinizing gaze I pull my shirt off, clutching it in front of me and fight the urge to tug it back down as a series of gasps echo around the room. The previous chatter coming to an abrupt stop when the others finally take in the state of my back. 

I already know what they see, the paintings and markings of Marcus’s work on my back, his main art tool being the leather belt I've grown so accustomed to. “Four, I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me, where did you get these?” Tori breathes out, but we both know the answer to that. She already knows my name, and everyone regardless of their faction has seen or heard the article published by the Erudite. That the selfless Abnegation leader supposedly beats on his son. 

It doesn’t take much to put two and two together, she’s not looking for an answer but to confirm what she already knows. Before words can even leave my lips, the silence in the room is suddenly filled by Amar. 

“Are you serious Tori? We’ve been putting the initiates through the wringer since they’ve reached the compound. They're all pretty banged up.” 

Tori opens her mouth to retort but Zeke beats her to the punch. 

“Amar’s not kidding, look at this bruise I got when I was sparring the other day!” 

Zeke pushes up his sleeve to reveal a nasty purple bruise coating the outer part of his arm. Soon enough the other people in the room are pushing up their shirts or pant legs to reveal other bruises they've got throughout our week of initiation.  
“I got this from when we jumped off the train and it still hasn't gone away!”

“I got this in my match yesterday!”

“Okay, not that I’m not interested in your tales of how you all earned your various bruises and scars, but you’re all being loud and disturbing the other workers here. It’s almost 3am, quite down.”

The voices don’t stop but become hushed whispers as Tori turns towards me and gestures for me to lie down. I climb onto my stomach, turning my face to the side to rest my check against the cool leather on the table, putting Amar right into my line of sight. 

When he catches my eyes, he gives me a small reassuring smile, which weirdly I find easy to return. I shiver as cold hands touch my back, wiping the disinfectants wipe across my upper back. It feels freezing against my skin that’s been warming up from all the alcohol. 

I ended up drinking a couple more sips of the bitter liquor, leaving my brain in a comfortable state of fuzziness. I feel my eyes slip closed, partly from the liquor and partly from the fact that as much as I hate to admit it, I'm exhausted. With a lack of sleep from my training and the stress from my upcoming fights my body’s been running on empty lately. I feel Tori fiddling around on my back, the soft touch of her fingers and whatever equipment she has on my back slowly lulling me to sleep. 

The only thing keeping me awake are the constant murmurs and conversations of the other people around me. The ticklish touches on my back went on for about fifteen more minutes, before abruptly stopping. 

“Brace yourself.” Is the only warning from Tori that I get before she begins tattooing. The first prick from the needle makes me jump and gasp, the sound invoking a couple snickers and bringing a blush to my cheeks. My jump causing Tori to quickly stop and move the needle from my back. “Try not to jump, I don’t wanna prick you and ruin the design. You ready to go?” I appreciate the fact that she pointedly ignored my gasp and gave her a quick a nod to continue, but not before turning my head to the other side to face the wall rather than the room full of people. 

After a couple seconds she resumes and this time I have the time to bite my lip and stifle my gasp at the feeling. The feeling is definitely painful but not entirely unpleasant. I wonder if it’s normal for most people to have to muffle their sounds when getting a tattoo, not because it’s painful but because the pain is starting to feel bitter sweet and isn’t that just about all types of fucked up? The traumatized, abused son enjoys the feeling of certain types of pain. Tori doesnt give me the time to ponder on my incoming wave of self disgust as the needle hit’s a particularly sensitive part of my back and I’m resisting the urge to shiver once again. 

The cycle repeats for the next couple hours, with me having to bring my fist to my mouth and leave it there at one point. By the time she’s done, half the dauntless members are laying on each other, dead asleep or barely awake.

“All done, make sure to moisturize every day and don’t pick at it. It may get itchy and start to peel, but let the skin fall off on it’s own.” Tori says, before clapping her hands and waking up the previously sleeping occupants in the room. “And you guys have got to go, it’s late enough, come on pack it up.” I grab my shirt from the table and slip it over, wincing slightly when it comes in contact with my still fresh tattoo. Zeke, being one of the members who was half awake, jerks up at the sound of Tori’s clapping and gets up to join me.

“Done already?” He asks, the last part turning into a yawn. “Yup just finished.” I reply, mirroring a yawn of my own in response to his. 

“Then let’s head back, i’m barely able to keep myself standing right now and we’ve got training tomorrow.”

“What about everyone else?”

“Who cares? They’ll find their way back.” He says with a shrug, turning his back and heading out. I watch his retreating back before looking around the room, noting who ended up staying back and can’t help the feeling of disappointment that swells in my belly when I notice that Amar never stuck around. Or his friend. 

“Four! Let’s go!”

Why I feel disappointed I’ll never know.

“Yeah, I’m coming!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! I really wanted to update during the winder break because I knew I most likely wasn't gonna get a chance to when school started back, or at least not for awhile. So here we go! Oh and by the way, sorry for any mistakes! (Third Person's point of view at first half, then switches to Amar’s)

A couple days have passed since the last outing. Things have gone back to normal and no matter how much the blonde hated to admit it, Amar had been right, he needed that time away from the compound. 

Since then his nervous shivers and the uncontrollable shaking in his hands at certain times have ceased to happen. He knew he was stressed, hell everybody was, but he didn't think it’d start to show on his body, but that problem, at least for now, was temporarily solved. 

So Four put all his attention back into training, knowing that he was most likely gonna relapse into his issue from before with the constant shaking, but he didnt care. His next scheduled fight with Eric was tomorrow and there was no way he was losing to the Erudite. 

He had been locked up in the gym all day since initiation ended for the day, not stopping for anything, not even food which was admitly dumb on his part. 

So that’s where Four found himself at nearly 2am, still punching the leather sac hanging from the ceiling. His hands were most bruised from how often he’d been here all week, but he pushed that issue to the back of his mind, wholeheartedly focussed on the task in front of him. He never heard the door push open, or the footsteps that followed. 

The only thing snapping him out of his haze was the hand that gently grazed his shoulder, which he responded by swiftly turning and swinging his fist towards the stranger.

“Hey! Relax! It’s me Four! Down boy!” Zeke spluttered in shock, narrowly avoiding the incoming fist which would have surely knocked him out with the force of momentum behind it. 

Blue eyes cleared immediately and widened in shock before quickly lowering his head and apologizing. There was no way he was going to explain to Zeke why his hand touching his shoulder instantly made his mind conjure up Marcus, so he settled with something else that was still believable and not that far off from the truth. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that, reflexes.” Four panted out, not quite meeting his friends eyes. “It's okay man, and damn those are some fast reflexes at that! I just saw my life flash before my eyes!” Zeke joked, already over the mishap. 

Four raised his head at that, a small chuckle escaping his lips. 

“Good, then I know I’m ready for tomorrow.” 

And with that he promptly returned to his punching bag to resume. He managed to land two blows before Zeke grabbed his arms and trapped them behind his back. Four sighed and turned his head to face the other man, his neck muscles straining to look up at the slightly taller boy at such a weird angle. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I should be asking you that question, what are you still doing down here at 2 in the morning dude?” 

“Training obviously, I've got a fight tomorrow.” 

Four tried twisting his body, yanking his arms and pushing forward to escape Zeke’s grasp, to no avail. Whether Zeke’s hold was just that firm or Four’s body was finally out of that constant supply of energy that had kept him going, he’d never know.

“Do you plan on falling asleep in your fight? You can’t really expect to perform in tip top shape if you keep training and end up going to bed an hour before your fight Four.” 

“I’ll be fine, besides I won’t stay down here much longer. Just let me finish a couple more rounds and then I’ll come.”

“Somehow I find that really hard to believe.”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Four asked with a smile, baby blues piercing into warm mocha’s.

Zeke returned a smile of his own before answering. “Not in those words exactly, all I’m saying is that you're gonna find a way to bend and twist our conversation to stay longer.”

“Zeke, I promise I’ll get enough sleep alright? Don’t worry.” Said boy sighed, knowing Four wasn't going to change his mind and finally released him.

“Fine don’t make me come back down here.”

Four gave him another small smile with a quick nod of his, and that was all the reassurance Zeke got as the blonde turned back around and began his rounds once again, becoming so consumed and absorbed by his fighting once again that he never noticed Zeke leaving, his thought’s wandering to another place.

“Tobias! What is this?”

Punch

“I will not have such self indulgent behaviour in my household!”

Punch

“Is this how I raised you? Are you saying you got such selfish acts from me?!

Punch, Crack!

Four was abruptly pulled from his thoughts by a sudden piercing pain resonating from his finger. “Shit.” He raised his right hand to inspect it. It didn’t look broken, but it didn’t exactly look fine either. Four wasn't a doctor, but he was almost certain that your forefinger was not supposed to look like that. It was bent slightly out of place, and turning red, not to mention already starting to swell up. He rushed to the back of the room where they kept ice packs for emergencies like these, grabbed one and quickly pressed it to his hand in hopes of bringing down the swelling and helping the pain that was quickly starting to rise. He yelped when the ice made contact with his hand, the coldness of the compress almost making his sensitive skin feel like it was burning. His teeth digging into his lower lip to quiet his moans of pain, the throbbing from his finger only growing worse. 

I guess that’s my cue to stop for the night Four thought to himself before turning his head to the center clock to check the time.

It can’t be that late, it’s only been about 45 minutes since Zeke lef- 5:26?! Fuck! Four swore to himself when he finally realized what time it was. What felt like minutes had actually been hours. The blonde jerked up to his feet and sped walked back to his room he shared with the other initiates, carrying the ice pack with him and cursing in his head the whole way there. 

There wasn't enough time to shower now and he knew he wouldn't have any extra time in the morning unless he woke up an hour early, which was just no. 

When he reached he quickly shrugged out of his clothes, being mindful of his finger, and changed into the ones he was going to wear tomorrow, that way he wouldn't have to change when he woke up. 

Through his rush Four failed to notice the devious pair of eyes on him coming from the bunk facing him, concealed by the darkness. He also failed to notice the sock he took off in his haste lying on the floor which he then slipped on. 

“Agh!” He yelped, as he caught himself, and realized too late that he caught himself on his bad hand. He quickly shoved his fist from his good hand into his mouth to muffle a scream as tears pricked his eyes. 

He waited a bit for the pain to subside into the dull throbbing once more before grabbing the ice pack that he dropped in the commotion and climbing into bed. 

Thankfully no one seemed to wake up from his outburst aside from a couple people shuffling or murmuring in their sleep. After double checking that everyone was still asleep, or at least appeared to be sleeping, the blonde finally allowed himself to be overcome by sleep as well, praying that by morning, the swelling in his hand would have gone down.

The swelling did not go down. In fact if anything it appeared to have gotten bigger throughout the night Four thought with a groan. He turned over on the bed to pull himself up, only to be met with a cold wet puddle. 

He shivered as his skin touched the mess once again before noticing that the ice pack he brought with him melted in the night and must have bursted when he dropped it yesterday. He sighed once more before properly examining the room, and noticed it was empty and dead silent. No, don’t tell me- Baby blues quickly jerked to the bedside table where the clock was, only to see the numbers 9:13am gawking back at him in red fluorescent coloring. 

Fucking hell. 

Four rushed to the bathroom to quickly splash his face with water. Hoping in vain that the cold water would help the noticeable bags under his eyes from various nights spent in the training room into the hours of the morning. 

He quickly brushed his teeth as well, having to use his left hand, making the process that much longer before quickly stumbling out the room and rushing towards the training room. Just hoping that Amar wouldn’t be too upset.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

He’s late, I think to myself as I pinch the bridge of my nose. I glance at my watch again to check the time before glancing at the entry towards the training hall once again.

9:15

Where is he? From what I can recall, none of the Dauntless did anything yesterday, no outings no drinking no nothing, so I know he’s not hungover or anything. Even if there was an outing he wouldn’t have gone, not with his match against Eric happening the next day. Which reminds of the last gathering we had a couple days ago. I manage to conceal the small smile fighting it’s way onto my face at the memories. Not only did Four come along, but he got a tattoo, impressive to say the least. I feel my chest warm as I remember back to the tattoo parlor when Tori was tatting him up, and the sounds he kept making...Not here man snap out of it. I pinch the bridge of my nose once again to snap out of my thoughts before checking the time again, which is quickly becoming a cause for concern with the later it gets in regards to Four’s fight with Eric.

“Hey! Four’s still not here! Didn’t you say you’d get started regardless if someone was late or not?”

Speak of the devil, I think to myself as said Erudite brat grunted out, his words directed at me. I turn towards him, leveling him with a hard stare before answering. “Last time I checked Eric, we have already started, are you not doing your warmups right now?”

“I meant fighting Amar, you know, the match that’s scheduled for today? Involving me and Four?” He says, sarcasm lacing his words and I feel my eyebrow twitch in annoyance before responding with an even more condescending tone. 

“Well I can’t very well have you fight the air now can I? If your opponent’s not here, you wait. If it nears the end of our session and he still doesn't show up, you win by default. I didn’t think the concept was that hard to grasp.”

If looks could kill, I’d be six feet under with the glare being shot at me, I raise my eyebrow at the blatant show of disrespect. Not only is this brat questioning me, but he has completely stopped his exercises. Not backing down, I level him with a glare of my own.

“Did I tell you to stop?”

“No-”

“Then get to it. I'm not telling you again” I finish as I wave a hand at him dismissively. I notice him roll his eyes, before reluctantly returning to his workouts. 

Just as I’m about to check my watch once again, a dishevelled looking Four rushes in.

“I’m here.” 

He pants, barely holding himself up, looking like he’ll keel over if someone were to push his shoulder. His face is concealed by his bangs, his head leaned over as he catches his breath with his hands on his knees. My eyes narrow when I notice his hand, it’s kind of hard not to when it looks like his finger has swelled double the regular size and I can’t help the grimace when I imagine him fighting Eric with such a bad hand. What did you do for it to get like that?

The whole room continues their exercises, but everyone's eyes have turned to Four, some with pity when they notice his hand, other’s with arrogance, probably out of knowing they'll have an advantage over him due to his hand.

After a couple seconds, he finally raises up properly and I try not to wince once more at the noticeable bags under his eyes. 

He looks exhausted.

I’m clearly not the only one who noticed as I see Zeke subtly shaking his head out of the corner of my eye.

“Sorry I’m late, I-”

“Nice of you to join us.” I say cutting him off. I can’t let him think that just because we might hang out together outside the training room, that I’ll be giving out any favours, even if I know I have a soft spot for him personally.

“Tie your shoes and get in the ring, stop wasting more of my time.” I snap before making my way over to the ring. Eric has a smirk on his face throughout the whole ordeal as he also makes his way into the ring.

“You guys will fight until the other surrenders or is unable to continue.” I say glancing between the two of them. Eric looks blood thirsty, like he’s been waiting for this. An aura of pride mixed with confidence radiating off of him in waves while Four on the other hand looks uneasy, like he already knows what the outcome of this match will be and he’s accepted it for what it is. I can’t help but feel uneasy myself and bit bad at the conclusion that I've reached for this match as well. Knowing that Four’s chances of winning were rather slim, especially with that hand of his.

“And, Start!”

Eric’s rushing towards him as soon as the words leave my mouth. Taking on an attack stance and delivering blow after blow. Four has switched into a defensive stance in retaliation to this, blocking each of his hits, but not being able to counter. 

The match just started and it already looks one sided, with one being on the offensive and the other being totally on the defense. It goes on like this for a while, with Eric continuing on with his fists and occasionally trying to land in some kicks as well, with Four either blocking or dodging each of his attacks. 

I have to say I’m impressed at the tenacity of the two. As much as I hate to admit it, Eric is quite the fighter, his blows carrying a destructive force, which would have helped in the fight if they landed properly. 

Every punch, jab, kick and attack had either been blocked or evaded by Four which was also impressive. 

The kids' reflexes were insane and I could see Eric getting worked up when none of his attacks seemed to land. Their fight also seemed to have garnered an audience, with other Dauntless members from around the compound wanting to see the fight between the two best initiates this year, who also happened to be transfers as well.

“WHOO! Come on already! Spill some blood!”

“Come on! Take him out!”

The cheers were relentless and getting louder and louder each second as more and more people gathered, and then it happened. Eric finally managed to land a blow with his feet, knocking Four off balance which he used to his advantage by quickly pouncing on him and bringing him down.

“Yeah! That's the way!”

Another voice cheered as Eric quickly climbed onto Four and restrained him, his legs on either side of Four pinning him down as he resumed his barrage of blows. Four barely managed to block them as Eric gripped one of his arms and pinned it down, using his other free hand to deliver blow after blow. 

I winced at the onslaught, getting ready for Four to either pass out or surrender as the only way out of Eric's hold would involve him using his bad hand.

But he held out, still trying to block Eric's attack while also attempting to yank his arm out of Eric's hold, to no avail. Not too soon after, the taunting and the mocking came.  
“You know, I think you let me win on purpose.” Eric smirked. I had to strain to hear his words despite being near them due to all the cheers and roars from the other Dauntless occupying the room.

“Is that what you did with your dad? Rolled over and let him beat the shit out of you?”

I tensed at his words and so did Four, his eyes widening in shock as he met Eric’s stare head on. His eyes previously clenched in pain were now piercing right into the Erudite above him.

“Hey, what was your name again Four? Tobi-”

Wham!

Before Eric could continue, he was abruptly cut off by a swift punch from the boy beneath him. 

The blow momentarily making him lose his balance as he swayed slightly with the force of it. Four used that to his advantage, swinging his body to the side and raising his leg to switch their positions, successfully releasing his trapped arm from Eric’s grip in the process. 

It was like a switch had been flipped, Four now being on the offensive with Eric on the defensive, only rather than doing as Eric had done earlier and restraining one of his arms, he used both hands to deliver brutal blow after blow. And he didn’t stop. Not when he knocked out Eric's tooth, or when his own fists began to discolor and bruise from the force of his blows against Eric's face. It went on like that for a while. Eric refusing to surrender, and not yet being knocked out so he resorted to screaming. Fresh blood dripping down his chin and pooling at his head. I think it was his screaming that finally knocked Four out of his haze as the next thing I knew, the bloodlust radiating off of the kid instantly stopped as his onslaught against Eric suddenly ceased as well. 

He raised his hands to examine them before glancing down at Eric’s face, the only word I could think of to describe his face at what he saw would have to be terror, for what reason I don’t know. 

Four just won his fight against that cocky bastard, I thought he’d be brimming with pride, not looking like he was about to break down and cry. My feelings of excitement at him winning were immediately extinguished, a grim feeling left in its place.

My thoughts were interrupted as I noticed him stand up and walk towards the ring and climb out, not acknowledging the pats on his shoulder or the constant shouts of congratulations aimed his way. He reached the exit and didn't hesitate to leave, not looking back once.

It felt as though I was holding in a breath, from the time he got up to when he walked out and I finally allowed myself to breathe, letting out a heavy sigh at the situation. I turned my attention to Eric, who had since stopped moving and was now passed out on the floor. The adrenaline being the main thing that kept him going now gone. Looking down at his beaten bloody form, I felt a small swell of pride at seeing how Four was able to overcome all his disadvantages and win and yet, I still felt a pang of pity for the fallen initiate, regardless of how annoying he was.

Pushing the feelings aside I quickly called over one of the other initiates and instructed them to get the nurse. I then turned towards the rest of the Dauntless still in the room and shooed them out.

“Don’t you all have jobs to do?”

“Come on Amar? You're such a spoiled sport! We wanna see the rest of the fights!”

“No. Don’t you see the ring? It’s a bloody mess, you guys are dismissed until the ring is properly cleaned and disinfected. Everybody out until this gets cleaned.”

Groans of disappointment echoed around the room at my decision, but I didn’t care. I just needed an excuse to get out of here. When the nurses finally came to collect Eric I gestured towards the mess and asked if they could get someone to fix it.

“Yeah don’t worry about it, we’ll send someone.”

“Thanks again” I say before turning towards the initiates still in the room.

“We’ll meet back in one hour to finish the remaining fights for the day. See you guys then.”

I wait for them to file out first before leaving and following a certain blood trail still stained on the floor, leading me towards the chasm where I see a figure crouched down at the wall with his arms wrapped around his knees, his head resting on top of them. He raises his head at my footsteps and turns towards me, sadness clouding over his features before he turns his head away again. 

“Sorry for leaving before you dismissed me.” And my heart suddenly clenches at the defeat so evident in his voice.

“It’s okay, there was a bit of a mess left behind. So I dismissed the rest until it got cleaned up.” I say to which I quickly regret and curse inwardly as I notice his face scrunch up before he lowers it back into his knees. I move towards him and sit down at a far enough distance so that were not touching, but close enough to hear each other over the rushing water of the chasm.

“Four, why are you so upset that you won?” I ask, still not understanding where this is coming from. He raises his head to answer me, and looks up at me from under thick lashes, my heart swoons and I almost miss what he says.

“I’m not upset that I won,” He mumbles. “I just don’t like all the violence I guess. It’s a little hard to get used to.”

At his words realization dawns on me, of course he would have that reaction after fighting Eric. A victim of abuse isn't going to want to hurt someone else to that extent and put them in a powerless position when they’ve been in that very position so many times before. Once again I feel a familiar feeling of hatred and disgust directed at Four’s father again. The idea that a parent could ever do that to their child making my hands shake with anger. I take a deep breath and release it, not wanting to come off as agitated when I’m talking to him.

He notices that I’m taking a while to answer so he adds, “And no, it’s not an abnegation thing if that’s what you're wondering.”

“I never thought that.”

“Oh, that’s a first. That’s what anybody else would assume if I told them that.” He says, his hands gripping his legs in a death grip, drawing my attention to his hand.

That looks painful I think when I notice it. I turn my gaze back to him and notice he’s looking down once again. 

“Four, look at me.”

He does, and I let a small smile grace my lips as I talk to him. “I’m not going to blame your old faction for how well you adapt to violence or not. Being violent and cruel isn't an admirable thing. Unfortunately, your Dauntless peers may disagree and find it entertaining or daring to be able to fight with no regard for your opponent, but that’s not the case. We can’t call ourselves courageous and take pride in strength if we’re unable to control ourselves and know when we've gone too far. You acknowledging that and feeling guilt about how far things went with Eric is the first step to actual growth and becoming more Dauntless. Now, I’m not saying you should feel bad about winning, nor should you brood on what's already happened. What’s done is done, you can’t change it, take pride in your win today. You've earned it, okay?” 

I finish, my hands moving from my chest as I uncross them. Throughout my rant, I ended up staring towards the chasm, turning my head back to the boy, I notice his eyes still on me. As if he were absorbing every word, and taking it all in. Relishing in the fact that I settled any worries he may have had. I’m shocked to say the least, to have his full attention directed at me, and I feel a small blush working its way onto my cheeks. Thankfully the poor lighting as well my darker skin help conceal said blush..I think.

“Thank you, Amar. I needed to hear that.” He says, emotion slipping into his words as the corners of his mouth slip into a smile. Fuck, that look is going to be the death of me. I think, my eyes instantly drawn towards his lips and I have to physically turn my body to snap out of it. 

I wanna kiss him.

“Amar?” He asks, unsurely. Confused at my reaction.

“Yeah? Sorry, I just thought I heard something, I say, turning back to him before swiftly choking on the salvia in my mouth when I notice he’s blushing. His blush standing out due to his considerably lighter coloring. Feeling a sudden boldness, I reach for his uninjured hand. I feel him jump but he does not pull away.

“Four, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here okay? Maybe not when we're around others as I have a position to uphold, but if you need anything or need to talk about anything, I’m here.” I say facing him and much to my surprise, he withdraws his hand to turn it over, before reconnecting our hands once again, only this time he’s holding it, gripping it softly.

His eyes flicker towards mine once again, blush still evident on his cheeks. “Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind.” He finishes before quickly averting his gaze once more to the floor. From my angle I can see his long lashes splayed out, casting shadows down on his red cheeks, and it takes everything in me not to snap.

“Well if it isn’t Amar, hey I haven’t seen you in awhile.”

I quickly withdraw my hand from Four’s, not taking in his confused expression as he slowly withdraws his hand as well.

I could recognize that voice anywhere. Ezra.

I reposition my body from facing Four to leaning back against the wall, putting Four and Ezra on either side of me. I lift my head to meet Ezra’s eyes and immediately see the annoyance in them and I inwardly groan. 

This is gonna be annoying I think to myself before responding to the unwelcome guest. “Hey Ezra, it hasn't been that long buddy. We just played Dare a couple days ago.” I say annoyance clear in my voice at being interrupted.

I know Ezra picks up on it as he raises an eyebrow before letting out a shit eating grin. “Really only a couple of days? Feels like years!” He says before promptly walking over towards us and sitting down himself, wrapping an arm around me and clinging to me.

“And who’s this? Oh I recognize you, you're the stiff who got the tattoo right?” He says finally acknowledging the other person in the room. I turn my head back towards Four and see him stare at Ezra, before looking at me and back to Ezra. Baby blues subtly looking back and forth as if he were putting two and two together before answering Ezra’s question.

“Yeah, and my name’s Four, not Stiff.”

“Right.” Ezra responds before leaning forwards even more to the point where he’s basically on my lap.

“Oh no, look at that hand.” He gasps, gesturing towards Four’s bad hand. “You should get that checked out.” His words act like he’s concerned about Four’s hand, but the implication from his tone is clear.

You should leave

“Yeah, I wi;;.” Four says as he pulls himself up from the wall, much to my dismay. “I’ll see you at initiation then.” He says glancing at me before turning and walking out, all former traces of his blush and smile gone, and I feel myself grow even more annoyed at the man lying on my. “I gotta go to Ezra.” I say, shoving him out of my arms and onto the floor, but not with enough force to hurt him as I stand up and turn to walk out the same way Four did.

He stares back at me shocked before standing up as well and catching up to me.

“Aww, are you in a bad mood? What’s wrong? Did you have a bad morning with the initiates?” He asks.

“Not with them.” I say, still making my way towards the training hall.

“Can you stop walking so fast? I’m trying to talk to you!” Ezra replies, grabbing my arm to slow me down. 

“Seriously I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday, why’re you acting like this?” His tone makes me stop, making me feel a little bad. I knew he was trying to reach me, I just didn't have the time to reach out and I’ve been a little distracted thanks to a certain Abnegation transfer.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy with the iniaties.” I say, and Ezra perks up at finally getting a response from me.

“Well you can make it up to me by meeting me for lunch at 1 okay?” 

“Fine, but I might be a little late.” I say.

“That’s fine, as long as you show up.” He says, moving closer until he stands right in front of me, invading my personal space as he’s done so many times before to the point where it feels normal.

“Don’t forget.” He whispers his breath on my lips, before stepping back and turning to head back to wherever he came from. 

I watch him leave before resuming my path towards the training hall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 6! It took my a little longer to finish because I got distracted with school and kept putting off the final parts of the chapter...BUT now I'm back and hopefully I'll be consistent with the next couple chapters! Ohh and the next chapter will have a lot more of Amar's POV!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Starts in Tobias’s pov, Switches to Amar’s in later part)

Training finished without any more interruptions. The remaining fights happened while I sat along the side with everyone else watching, but I couldn't help but feel bored. 

I also couldn’t help but take notice of the absence of a certain Erudite transfer which caused my stomach to clench at the memory of his bloody beaten face. I shake my head, as if by physically moving I can remove the mental image from my head, to no avail. 

I sigh again as my head hits the pillow. After training, my day went on as usual. Practicing in the training hall, only this time with the company of Zeke who forced me to leave earlier with him. After we left, he dragged me around the compound to meet people and catch up with others. 

Some I recognized from the Dauntless night out last week while others were new faces. Somewhere along the journey of Zeke bringing me from place to place and introducing me to strangers, Shauna joined us. The three of us ended up getting dinner together along with Shauna’s sister and Zeke’s brother, and I actually ended up staying and having a good time. 

Of course that was also due to the fact that both Shauna and Zeke sat on either side of me and pulled me back down each time I made a move to get up and leave, but that’s beside the point. After dinner we came back to our rooms to wash up for bed before everyone else could come and occupy the bathrooms.

“Mmmm, hey.. That's mine.. Give it back..”

My eyes flicker up at the sound of Zeke talking, much too hazy and slurred to be anything other than sleep blabber and I feel a smile tug at my lips. When I first came here, it was just with the intention of escaping Marcus, I wasn't planning on making any friends, but with the way things are, I can’t help but feel a little glad that things didn’t go accordingly. Zeke somehow wormed his way into my life and it’d be hard to imagine things without him at this point. Same with Shauna...and with Amar.

I turn to my side, bringing my legs to my chest and hugging my injured hand to my chest, while examining the other, remembering back to where it was and whose hand I was holding only hours prior. I feel my face heat up at the memory and shove my face into my pillow.

Amar’s always been nice to me, but he’s nice with everyone, well except maybe Eric and I know that the only reason he followed me was just because he was trying to check up on one of his initiates, but I still feel myself blush regardless.

I’ve never held hands with someone before...and the first person just happens to be a dude, so why the hell am I acting like this?

I think to myself, trying and failing to fight the blush still coloring my cheeks even though no one in the room is awake to see it. My thoughts wander back to our encounter at the chasm and I suddenly remember Ezra. I feel my head clear at the thought, blush being wiped from my face at the thought of how close Amar and Ezra are or at least, I’m assuming they are.

Ezra was basically on top of him while we were talking.

Is that normal here at Dauntless? I don’t remember guys ever being so friendly with each other in Abnegation.

I decide not to think too much about it, wiping that memory from my mind as well as I readjust myself once again into a more comfortable position. Finally letting the stress and tiredness from the day wash over me and carry me into a deep sleep.

“Four, wake up!”

“Mmmnn..”

“UP, come on!”

I’m awakened to the sight of Zeke leaning over me, shaking my shoulder gently and whisper shouting for me to get up. 

“Yeah okay I’m up” I say groggily, stifling a yawn as I pull myself up and rub the sleep out of my eyes.

“What time is it?”

“8:27! We slept in! Hurry and start getting dressed, Shauna’s already gone.”

“Seriously?” I groan, before rolling my eyes. As annoying as it is to have slept in again, I still feel a tick of annoyance directed at the red head for waking up and not waking us up, again! I roll out of bed and stumble towards the bathroom, at least wanting to wash up and brush my teeth before initiation, even though I’ll probably end up missing breakfast.

“Don’t worry about breakfast, I already showered so I’ll grab something for you. See you downstairs in a bit!”

It’s as if Zeke read my mind, I turn to him and give him a small smile to acknowledge my thanks and then make my way into the bathroom as he heads towards the cafeteria.

I quickly wash up, not waiting for the water to heat up before going under the spray, the cold water bringing goose bumps to my skin and making my hair stand up. Clenching my teeth, I soap up and rinse off, doing my best to ignore the still chilling ice water, which came naturally as while I was in abnegation I was not permitted to shower with hot water. 

Marcus considered it selfish and vain to spend so much time in the shower on myself when it wasn't necessary. I feel a shiver at a particular memory of when I walked home in the rain when I was younger and decided to take a hot bath to warm up. I ended up using all the hot water. Marcus beat me black and blue that day when he found out and from that day forward, I only showered in cold water. 

The bitter memory leaves a sour taste in my mouth and I end up turning off the shower and heading out with suds still on me. Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist, I head to the sink to brush my teeth and can’t help but take note of my appearance. 

From the short amount of time that I've been here, I've filled out a considerable amount. I wasn't so much bulk and pure muscles like Judas as I was lean.

I was still slimmer when compared to the rest of the guys, but that was mostly due to the fact that I was surviving on scraps and food with almost no nutritious value in abnegation. My meals consisted of hard bread and canned food with the occasional fruit for dessert. 

I’d never even heard of seasoning until I started school and noticed how all the other factions' foods looked and tasted so much better than ours. I took the time to look over my face and body and noticed a couple bruises forming on my chest from my fight with Eric. 

They didn’t feel as bad as they looked and I knew the bruises were only going to get worse before they got better, that was always the case with the bruises and scars I got from Marcus anyways. 

Spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing my mouth, I made my way back to the room to get changed, making a mental note to find a nurse and get some ointments for the bruises as well as to check on my hand. After pulling on a clean set of the initiates typical training fit I rushed out to meet Amar, checking the time on the way out.

8:45, not bad. I’ve still got tim-

My thoughts were cut off by my face colliding with a hard chest, the force of impact causing me to stumble back because of the speed I was moving at. The other guy however didn't even seem phased as he just glared down at me, his body not moving an inch from the collision. And that’s when a feeling of recognition dawned on me as I finally recognized who it was that I bumped into.

“Hey stiff. You missed me?” I glared back at Jackson as I tried to make my way around him, knowing that if he was here, Judas wasn't too far behind…

“He just asked you a question, don’t you think you should answer him stiff?”

And there’s Judas, great.

The stokier boy appeared from behind Jackson as soon as I tried to walk around him , blocking my only escape path towards the cafeteria unless I turned around and made a detour and took a different route. Unfortunately the only problem with that being that by the time I did reach the cafeteria, I’d be late to initiation. 

“Do you guys need to do this right now? I’m running a little late.” I reply dully. 

I noticed that if I replied back to their questions with a bored or uninterested tone of voice, it pissed Judas off to no end. Might as well try to make him as miserable as he’s trying to make me right? At my response I notice a vein pop out on his forehead and a scowl replace his earlier mocking grin. I don’t bother to hide my own smile of amusement at his reaction.

“I’m starting to get really tired of your attitude stiff.” 

He snarls, baring his teeth and I can’t tell if he’s genuinely angry or just trying to act threatening. Either way I find him about as threatening as a fat, bulky pig.

“You're getting tired of it? Are you getting mad Judas? I can see a vein about to pop on your forehead.” 

I say, finishing it off by flicking said vein with my finger, and that’s when he snaps. He grabs my wrist in one hand, squeezing it so hard it feels like, it’ll snap, and grabs my injured hand in his other before forcing me backwards.

Now this feels familiar.

I think to myself as my back hits the wall, Judas once again caging me in with Jackson not too far behind, keeping watch for anyone who might come and interrupt, but I already know no one will. This hallway is basically a shortcut to get to the cafeteria from the bedrooms. I was the last one to leave the room, so no ones coming and everyone else who’s already in the cafeteria are heading to the training hall for initiation after, which is on the other side of the complex. There’s literally no reason for anybody to come this way aside from the initiate instructors who have an office near here which requires them to walk through this hallway.

I flex my hands in Judas’s grip, studying his grip to see if I’ll be able to break through it. He notices and clenches his hands, applying even more pressure to my wrist and injured hand and I have to stifle a grimace, biting my tongue to make sure my facial expression gives nothing away. There’s no way I’m giving this asshole the satisfaction.

“Stiff, I don’t think you know just who you’re dealing with right now. I’m not like one of those bitches from Abnegation.” Judas hisses, his jaw clenched in anger as he glares down at me. Those couple inches of difference in our height never seemed more apparent than now as I was forced to look up at him to keep eye contact, not backing down. I didn’t say anything, not because I was scared, but because I was getting a bit worried of the death grip he had on my hand. With the way he was now, I didn’t want him to do anything stupid that might cause serious damage. My fingers were already more swollen up from fighting with my hand against Eric, the last thing I needed was another set back.

Unfortunately, me keeping eye contact with him seemed to rile him up even more as he applied even more pressure than I thought possible to my hand and wrist.

“Ngnn!” I couldn’t help the muffled sound that escaped my lips at the added pressure.

That really fuckin hurts!

Judas smirked down at me when he heard the sound, my pain and discomfort only making him feel better.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him-

A scowl graces my features at my thoughts. Judas surprisingly reminded me of the Erudite, the only difference being while they took pride in knowing more than others he took pride in hurting others and acting like he was above them, and it pissed me off to no end. I tugged my hands towards me again, in a desperate attempt to escape his grasp to no avail.

“Get off.” I snap, feeling myself get worked up at the situation. He tilts his head at this, as if in thought before smirking back down at me.

“No, I don’t think I will.”

I raise my leg to kick him, but he simply moves closer, his leg spreading my thighs reluctantly apart and squeezes my injured hand again, making me gasp at the pain.

“You’ve been walking around acting like you're hot shit. I think it’s about time I remind you of your place here.” 

“And just how were you thinking of doing that, Judas?”

Both my and Judas’s head snap towards the voice, and the feeling of relief washes over me when I see Amar with a guilty looking Jackson behind him. Judas quickly releases me and adjusts my shirt, as if he wasn't just seconds away from crushing my hand.

“Oh you know, just by training and sparring in the training hall.” Judas says unsurely, glancing between me and Amar who are pointedly staring at him. While I give him a glare, still annoyed by what just happened, Amar’s boring straight into him, like if he glared hard enough, he could strike down Judas where he stood.

“Does this look like the training hall to you?” 

Amar seethes walking closer to Judas, and Judas instinctively reacts by backing up, hands raised in surrender, but Amar doesn't even seem to notice that.

“No it doesn't, It was just a little friendly jeer-”

“Do I look fucking stupid to you?”

Judas flinches at the tone of Amar’s voice, and I feel myself stiffen up as well. There’s so much hatred and anger in his tone being directed at the stokier boy, and I’m glad I’m not the one taking the force of it.

“No, you don’t! It-”

“I don't want to hear it.” Amar grunts, cutting him off. “Pull this shit again, and you’ll be lucky to just get off with being factionless.” The older boy snapped, his eyes flashing with anger as he glances between Judas and Jackson.

“If you want to fight, you do it one on one when you both can fight and defend yourselves properly. None of this pussy ass shit like cornering someone who’s already injured in a fucking empty hallway while your friend stands guard, understand?”

“Yes sir!”

“Yes sir!, sorry sir!” 

Both Judas and Jackson choke out. Judas looks like he’s about to pass out under the stare of Amar while Jackson’s eye’s haven't left the floor since he was brought here.

“Then head to the training room, we start in five minutes...Now!” He finishes gruffly when he noticed the two of them still standing in shock. At Amar’s outburst they both scurry off, not needing to be told again as they stumble over each other in their haste to leave. My eyes follow them until they turn the corner and go out of sight.

“Are you okay?”

I turn to face Amar, a bit shocked at his sudden change in voice. I look up at him and give him a small nod.

“Let me see your hand.”

I don't hesitate to raise my injured hand up and place it into his awaiting open palm. Unlike Judas’s rough aggressive treatment earlier, Amar’s is the polar opposite. Softly protruding and poking at it, asking me “if it hurts when I do this”, or to give him a number from one to ten in terms of pain when he touches certain spots. While his attention is on my hand, I raise my gaze from my hand to his face, inspecting and taking note of it. Like how his brows furrow whenever I give him a number higher than five in terms of pain, or the piercing of a cross in his left ear. The jewelry complimented his face well. Amar suddenly stood up straight, no longer crouched over my hand as he spoke to me.

“You need to learn to defend yourself.” He started, a troubled look on his face as he continued to hold my injured hand gently in his grip as he spoke.

“If you don’t they're just gonna keep picking on you, and I’m not always gonna be here.” 

I felt my nose crinkle and couldn’t help but feel a bit insulted at his words, like I needed to have someone here to look out for me. Like I couldn't already defend myself.

“I know how to defend myself Amar.” I say, not letting the annoyance I’m feeling slip into my tone.

“That’s how I beat Eric, and I don’t need you to always be here.”

He raises an eyebrow at this before responding. 

“Really? So you want me to believe that you decided to stay pinned up against the wall because you wanted to? That since you already know how to properly defend yourself that you could have broken out of his hold?”

My cheeks color in embarrassment at his words, knowing full well the point he’s trying to get across.

“No, I couldn't have.” I say, looking down at the floor. 

I hear Amar chuckle and immediately peek back up at him, not knowing what’s so funny.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed Four. I’m not denying your ability to defend yourself against an attacker, like you said from before you did beat Eric. I’m only doubting your skills to defend yourself when it comes to being in a hold, like what Judas had you in.”

I look back down at the floor, still feeling a bit of shame at being caught in that position by Amar, my initiate instructor no less who’s supposed to be judging us on our abilities.

“Hey, none of that.” He says, gently cupping my cheeks and raising it back up to look at him. I do, and feel my heart flutter at the close proximity of our faces. My eyes widen slightly as I look up at him, trying to read mocha eyes. I feel my cheeks heat up once again and inwardly curse at myself.

Amar chuckles once again before releasing his hold on my face.

“Do you want to learn some pointers on getting out of holds? I won’t be teaching this to the rest of the initiates until near the end as escaping holds isn’t regarded as being as important when compared to fighting and attack skills. So if you say no, you’ll still get a brief run though about it next week-”

“But not as thorough as a personal explanation with you?” I say, cutting him off.”

He doesn't seem mad at my interruption though, he just smiles once again before nodding his head to answer my question.

“There’s not enough time to give a thorough explanation to everyone and give them time to practice. I’d show you how to escape the basic back hold, and gloss over everything else.” He finished with a shrug.

“If I said yes, when would you teach me?” I ask.

“Today after initiation.” Amar responds.

“You’d of course have to miss initiation and get your hand checked out. They’ll give you a serum which should pretty much give you full function once again of your fingers and enough recovery time to be ready by this afternoon.”

I nod my head at his answer before continuing. “So I’ll see you after initiation in the training hall then?” I ask unsurely, despite knowing that Amar already offered to train me.

A grin breaks out on his face once again and I feel myself mirroring his expression, his smile calming any unsurely I had moments earlier.

“Yeah, you will.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

My eyes were basically glued to the large clock occupying the training hall. Every second felt like hours and I couldn't wait to get out of here. My focus was all but on the initiates I should be training at the moment who were currently practicing their knife throwing skills.

“Somebody’s excited to leave, your eyes have been trained on the clock since we got here.” Lauren says. She was asked to come in today to help with the knife throwing to make sure there was an extra set of eyes watching the initiates.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say, my eyes still trained on the clock.

“Uh huh.” She says, her tone skeptical. “So who’s the mystery guy you’re meeting? Ezra?”

That gets my attention as my eyes flicker towards her. “No.” I say with a grunt.

“Woah, no need to get so upset by it. I just assumed you’d be meeting up today since you brought him back to the apartment last night.”

“I brought him back to the apartment because he asked to meet up after I finished with the initiates.” I say, not liking where the conversations going.

“You finished initiation training at 4.”

“And what about it?”

“You guys were up fucking until the hours of the night yesterday. I could barely catch a wink of sleep. If you guys met up after initiation, why was he at the apartment last night.”

I groan as I put my head into my hands before sliding my hands down my face dramatically.

“If all you came here to do was question me, please go back to your side of the room.” I say with a groan, pointing to the area she should be at with my thumb, which is not beside me.

Lauren rolls her eyes before slapping my thumb away. “All I’m saying is does the person you’re about to meet up with know about your ‘meeting’ with Ezra yesterday?” She says, putting emphasis on the word ‘meeting’ by making finger quotes.

I raise an eyebrow as I feel my brow knit together in annoyance. 

“No, why the hell would I tell him that? It’s not like I like the kid or wanna date him. I’m just meeting up with him to teach him some pointers.” 

I say, and I can feel my stomach churn at my words, knowing full well that they're not exactly one hundred percent true. I may not have romantic feelings for the kid but it’s a far cry to say that I don't like him.

“Really? Well you could have fooled me. And here I was thinking you had a date or something after this but I guess not.” She says with a shrug, directing her attention back to the initiates. 

“But then again I doubt you ever could score a date, not with Ezra breathing down your throat.”

“You always find a way to drag him into things don’t you?” 

“No, Ezra always has a way of dragging himself into things, I wouldn't be surprised if he already met the person you're about to meet up with.” She says, voicing it like it's an afterthought when we both know it's true.

“Regardless if Ezra met the person or not is none of your business.” I say with no spite in my tone to try and get her to drop it.

“Whatever Amar, oh and don’t look now but class is over.” She finishes gesturing to the clock. I snap my head towards the time to see for myself, only to see that class is not in fact over and that there's about thirty minutes left at that. 

This bitch-

My thoughts are cut off by a snicker coming from my side which is quickly cut off when she narrowly dodges me when I reach for her neck to choke.

“Relax, I'm leaving, see?” Lauren chuckles out as she finally leaves and goes back to her station which is thankfully away from me.

I turn my attention back to the initiates and actually try to do my job and train them to make the time go faster, which thankfully it does. Before I know it Lauren’s clapping her hands and saying a brief closing announcement and dismissing them before turning and giving me a knowing look with a raised eyebrow in a suggestive way.

I roll my eyes before leaving the room behind the rest of the initiates and make my way to the training hall me and Four agreed on. I’d never admit to myself, but for some reason I couldn't help but feel giddy to meet him in private. Where his attention would be solely given to me, and it's the last thought that ends up with a dopey grin on my face as I continue on. Once I reach the entrance I pause with my hand on the door to control my breathing and school my expression back to neutral before pushing it open and walking it, letting the door fall closed behind me. My attention is immediately captured by Four who’s already there and currently warming up at the punching bags. I clear my throat to signal my appearance and he instantly stops mid punch and turns around. As soon as our eyes make contact, his expression lights up as I notice him trying to fight off a small smile.

Thud

I feel my heart suddenly pound in my chest at that and quickly squeeze my fist to snap myself out of it.

“You ready to get started?” I ask walking towards him

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo I hope you guys enjoyed the story so far. I sort of have an idea of where the story will go, but it's mostly just me writing whatever comes to mind on the spot ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. I'm gonna try to update the story every couple weeks or so, maybe sooner if I don't get writers block.


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